18
VIOLET
I’ve never been so happy to go to work in my life. Anything to get out of the house where I can finally breathe. Yaz is still unwell and called in sick, so I jumped at the chance to pick up an extra shift.
Stacking shelves might just be the most boring job ever, but today I welcome it. Every muscle in my body was ready to crack under the tension of being near him. Things haven’t been the same since he watched me come. He can’t look me in the eye for longer than a split second.
He should know I wanted it. I want it all. Whatever he has to give, I’ll take it. He can paint my face next time and I’ll enjoy it. These last few days, I’ve tried to tell him so many times that it’s okay to want me because I want him too, but I chicken out every time, fearing he’ll reject me. He has his own demons to come to terms with, and all I can do is wait on the sidelines, hoping the devil will win.
“Hello, love. It’s nice to see you again.”
I place the pasta on the shelf and turn to the woman at my side. “Hi. I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name.” It’s the woman from the breakfast cabin where Kane took me on our first date. I mean, my first day here.
“Carole, love. How’s your dad doing? Haven’t seen him for a while.”
My heart skips, thinking she knows who my dad is, then I realise she means Kane. My shoulders deflate. “Kane’s fine, but he’s not my dad.”
Her brow furrows. “You are Alison’s girl? I saw the resemblance straight away when I saw you at the cafe.”
“Alison was my mum, yes, but Kane isn’t my dad. I’m just staying with him for a while.” I need to make that clear because the thoughts I have about him are far from fatherly. A realisation occurs to me and I wonder if this is why Kane is holding back with me. The whole freakin’ town thinks we’re related. Talk about awkward. Not to mention my birth certificate.
“It was an awful time, love. For everyone involved. Your nan…Kane’s mother became ill from it all, I’m sure of it.”
“From what?”
“Everything that happened. It shook the town and people never recovered from that night. Kane’s been through so much. It wasn’t entirely his fault, but he paid his dues.”
This woman is talking in riddles. “What wasn’t his fault? What dues?”
“Letty, can you take over for Lucy on the till, please, while she has a break?” the manager says.
Carole rubs my arm gently before giving it a squeeze. “Take care of him, won’t you? He’s all alone in that big old house.” She shuffles down the aisle with her trolley and the manager taps his watch.
With a sigh, I sit behind the till, the beep of the machine matching the pulse in my temple. Kane never talks about Mum or what happened or anything from his past, like he wants to erase it. The whole town seems to know me or of my existence. Everyone thinks my mother is a saint, most of all Kane, but if she was such a saint, she would have endured fire and hell to still be here today. What mother gives their child up and then hits the bottle?
Kane might be able to forgive her, but I can’t. I’m angry with her for leaving, for giving up. For giving me up. All my life I imagined some romantic notion of some forbidden love affair, or maybe she was too young to keep me and was forced to give me away. When I found her, we’d have this amazing reunion with an unbreakable bond and she would never want to be parted from again.
I shake my head at the ridiculous fantasies. “£34.91 please.”
A woman swipes her credit card, making small talk about the weather. It’s another reason I hate being on the till. You have to talk to people. I nod and smile and wave as she collects her bag, and the process starts all over again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I’m lost deeper in my thoughts with each chirp of the scanner. The customers blur into one until Lucy snaps me from my musings.
“Want to do something after work?” She chews on her gum.
“Sure.” Anything but go spend another night in silence with Kane.
* * *
We both clock outat 3pm. It’s still light, and the rain has ceased, allowing a little sun to peek out from a dark cloud.
“Let’s see Marie. She’ll be finishing soon. We can meet her at work,” Lucy says, getting into her car.
I unlock my mini. “Where does she work?” I thought she was at college. I didn’t know she worked as well.
“She does a few shifts at the lakeside cafe. Follow me.”
