“Stories, romance mainly.”
“I’ve always wanted to write. I did A-level English Lit.”
I swallow the food rolling round my mouth. “You did A-levels?”
“Yeah.”
“And did you pass?”
“Yeah.”
“So why the fuck are you stacking shelves at the supermarket?”
“It’s a job until I find something else.”
“So what do you wanna do?”
“I dreamed of being a writer as a kid. I always made up stories, but it’s just a pipe dream. Maybe one day I can teach English or something.”
I grab her wrist. “Don’t you give up on your dream. You can do anything you want and if you wanna be a writer, you be a fucking writer.” Hearing her give up makes a vein throb in my temple and I rub the pain there. She has the world at her feet. I’m almost envious, wishing I could go back twenty years and choose a different path.
“Okay. Take a chill pill.” She shakes her hand from my grasp, then forks more mash.
“You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it. Your mother was all set to go to Leeds Arts University. She was offered a scholarship for creative writing.”
“What happened?”
“You happened.”
Her face turns pale.
Fuck. I’ve said too much. “She got pregnant with you and it just wasn’t an option anymore. She never went.” I reach over and take her hand. “Hey, she chose that. She was offered an abortion, but she chose to have you. She wanted you.”
Vi takes a drink of her water with a shaky hand. “I just feel like she might still be here now if she didn’t struggle with me. It’s hard to take some of the responsibility. I’m partly to blame for her hitting the bottle. She must have felt like her life was over.”
My fingers entwine with hers. “You’re not to blame. And you are not responsible for your mum’s actions. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I wasn’t around and I should have been here to take care of both of you.”
“You were in the army?”
It was a question more than a statement. I nod. “Eat your dinner before it goes cold.” I sigh, running a hand over my face. It’s a lifetime ago now. I rarely go back there. Vi being here is forcing me to face my past and the demon in me I tried to forget.
9
VIOLET
Idesperately need to buy some new clothes. What little clothes I have in my wardrobe are out of date or too small. Deciding on the goth club that Yaz suggested, I pull out the only thing I own that’s suitable. It’s an effort pulling on the black tights, wiggling them over my arse that must have doubled in size since I last wore these.
Black denim shorts keep the tights in place and stop them from rolling down. I sling my black leather jacket over a black vest top tucked into the shorts. The zipper on the jacket is useless with my boobs, but it's the best I’ve got.
At the bottom of the stairs, I step into my black boots, then pop my head into the living room. “See you later.”
Kane drops his feet from the coffee table and stalks over to me, giving me a once over from my streaked hair to the black boots covering my toes. “Where you going?”
“I told you, I’m going out with some friends from work.”
“I know that, but. Where. Are. You. Going?” He leans in as he speaks, making sure I understand him this time.
With a cocked hip and arms folded, I roll my eyes. “I’m meeting Yaz at the Black Crow.”
