I carry a bag of rubbish out to his pickup, ready to go to the tip. I can’t help but gaze at him one more time, causing another smile to spread across his face.
He places the saw on the bench and strides over. Belle circles the two of us. Kane pecks my lips. “You checking me out, huh?”
“Always.”
He casts an eye in the bag of rubbish. “Did you put this in here?” He lifts out a roll of printed vinyl.
I know what it is, but play dumb.
“This isn’t rubbish. This is a cutout vinyl decal for the side of the boat. I had it made last year and never got around to fixing it.” He unravels the vinyl to reveal the name Alison in a script font in a golden sunshine yellow.
Bile rises in my throat. I hate that he’s still in love with her. She doesn’t deserve his love. How can I tell him that if he puts this decal on his boat, it’s going to taint any boat trip he wants to take me on?
“What’s that face for?” He lifts my chin, then pecks my lips again, as if reassuring me I’m still his number one girl. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes. It’s like I’m still competing for his affection. Will I ever live up to the memory of his angel?
“I thought you might want to get a different decal made now.” My lip twitches in the corner, and he swipes his thumb gently along my mouth. “She doesn’t deserve to have her name written on the side of a boat, that’s all.” I fold my arms over my chest in a huff.
He chuckles as though this is funny. “Do you want me to wipe that bratty pout from your face?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m serious. If you loved me, you wouldn’t do it, Kane. I thought this was going to be our place. A new start for us. I won’t live in her shadow.”
He tosses the decal into the back of the truck with the rest of the rubbish, then cups my face. “All right. I’ll pick a different name for the boat.”
I glance over Kane’s shoulder at the old day boat moored next to the pier. “Maybe you could paint the words ‘good luck’ on the side. I think you’ll need it.”
Kane glances at the boat, then takes a roll-up from behind his ear. “You’re probably right. She hasn’t had a run out for over a year.” He lights up and offers me a pull.
I decline and kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For understanding how I feel.”
“I hope you understand that it’s you I care about, and I want you to treat this like your home. This is a fresh start for the both of us. No more secrets. So if you’re not comfortable with something, I want you to tell me.” He inhales on the roll-up, then lets out a plume of smoke. “I gotta get back to work.” He pecks my mouth before holding the ciggy between his lips and picking up the saw.
I walk back into the house a little lighter than I was before, knowing Kane has my best interests at heart, and I won’t have to see my mother’s name written on the side of the boat every time I look out the window.
* * *
“Anyone home?”Shane shouts from downstairs.
I run down the steps, knowing he was collecting more of my stuff from Jesse’s house today. “Hey, I’m here.”
He slides the cardboard box onto the wooden worktop in the kitchen that Kane installed yesterday. “I got your stuff. He said that’s the last of it.” Shane points to a black bin bag on the floor. “If there’s anything else missing you let me know.”
“Thanks, Shane.”
He stuffs his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heel while scanning the room. “He’s got this place looking half decent. Last time I was here, there was no plaster on the walls.”
Kane appears in the kitchen. “Perfect timing. I just picked up an oven. You can give me a hand.” He pats Shane on the back and the two of them disappear to the truck.
Mum’s pink journal sits on top of the box. I slide it between more books before Kane sees it. I should throw it away, but I just can’t bring myself to. It’s the only truth I have of my mother. In her own words, and not some version of her Kane or Gareth constructed.
47
KANE
After fitting the oven in the kitchen and wiring up the electrics, I lift the heavy box from the worktop and take it upstairs. Vi’s in the bedroom folding her clothes.
