“You got my car back?”
“All yours, Red.” He hangs his head low, and takes in a deep breath. “I won’t force you to stay with me.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said. And I meant every word. I do want to marry you. I want to fill your belly with my child and grow old with you. I don’t care if it’s here or wherever you want to live as long as we’re together. But I want you to want me too. I want you to choose me, Red.”
“I want to, Dom. I wanted so much to stay here with you, but I need to be free.” A tear clings to my lashes, knowing I can’t give him what he wants.
“You can be free to do whatever you want as long as you’re with me. It's time you stopped running from yourself.”
“I want all those things you just said, Dom, but I can’t stay with you. You’re suffocating me. I need my own space. I don’t feel like myself anymore.” I’m overwhelmed by being pushed from pillar to post. Memories of living with my overbearing mother resurface, and I need to run away just like I did when I was sixteen.
“I can sleep on the couch if you need me to. I can stay somewhere else to give you some space. Whatever you want. But don’t tell me there isn’t a chance for us.” He runs a hand over his face, and for the first time, I gaze into his tired brown eyes, like the autumn leaves that fall to the ground after the summer sun has gone.
“Let me go, Dom.”
“Only if you promise to come back to me.”
“I can’t promise that. You know I can’t.” My heart aches for him, but my mind is too stubborn to give in. After everything that’s happened, I can’t just pick up where we left off.
His eyes close as though I just hammered the final nail in his coffin. I can’t stand to see him like this. Yet I can’t give him what he wants, not right now.
My fingers rub against the overgrown bristles on his jaw, almost a beard, like he hasn’t trimmed it since I left. “I wish we’d met under different circumstances. If there wasn’t so much deceit between us and mistrust, I’d already be picking out my wedding dress.”
“Give me some time. You can trust me, Red. Let me prove that to you.”
“I need time too, Dom. Give me some time to get back to myself and stand on my own two feet.”
His tattooed hand runs over his weary face. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t know yet.”
After following Dom into the house, he gives me the camouflaged bag to pack my things, though he doesn’t help me. He just leans against the door frame, watching me with sad eyes, but dapper as hell in the suit he’s wearing. Why did he have to look so good today, of all days? And he smells good, too. He’s torturing me, but I need to do this for my sanity. I need to get away from this toxic relationship or I’ll never be able to forgive him. I worry I’ll resent him even more for trapping me.
That’s if I’m not already trapped with his baby. Something I would have actually welcomed a week ago, but now I can’t think of anything worse. I’ve never thought about kids until I met him. He was so intent on taking me raw that the idea of having his child was actually appealing.
“That’s the last of it, I think.” I zip the bag up with all my belongings inside.
Dom disappears and returns with my wooden jewellery box. “Don’t forget this.”
I take it from him, the wood all shiny and new, like he’s given it a coat of varnish. A brand new gold hinge holds the lid in place when I lift it to reveal a porcelain ballerina glued and painted, dancing in front of a fresh piece of mirrored glass.
My words clog in my throat as a teary film coats my eyes. “You fixed it?”
“Yes. She was made of strong stuff. She just needed some help getting back on her feet.”
He’s talking about me and him. And that’s the problem. I don’t want a man to glue me back together. I want to do that myself. If I want to be with a man, it’s because I want him, not need him. Lately, it’s been so easy to rely on the men in my life, and they’ve all let me down one way or another.
“Thank you. This is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. It’s all I have left of her.” I lift a Polaroid of Mum and I outside the caravan, me dressed in a pink tutu. A whimsical smile spreads on my face and for a moment, I’m with her again.
I think she would be proud of my decision to go my own way. I may look like my dad with his red hair and green eyes, but I have her strength and courage. And I can do anything on my own. I slip the wooden box inside the front compartment of the bag, then turn around, bumping into Dom’s chest.
His hands hold my face as he crashes his lips to mine. His tongue swirls around mine, and I let him have this. I more than let him. I kiss him back. Just one last kiss to help us both move on. His hands slip around my back, holding me tight against his chest.
I hum into his mouth, a satisfied moan, but one that has all the love I feel for him, even though I can’t be with him right now. Dom doesn’t let me pull away, instead he holds me tighter and deepens the kiss. Teeth clash, our mixed saliva drips down my chin. We’re a frenzy of ragged breaths, tangled tongues and pent-up emotions.
He breaks the kiss, but not before nipping and sucking on my bottom lip, then he works his mouth down my jaw and to my neck, sucking there hard enough to leave a mark. My core pulses with desire for him, but I can’t let my lust cloud my mind. Not now I’ve come this far.
