Page 31 of Mr. Absolutely Not!


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It runs under the vanity and stares at me.

Dammit.

“Mandy!”

Her footsteps are soft over the carpet as she hurries to the bathroom.

“Salinger? Salinger, what the—” The door opens a crack.

“Eep!” She jumps back out of view behind the door.

“Your dog, that’s what.”

The animal lets out a whine.

“Oh, Pepper, come. Come!”

The dog ignores her.

“Get in here now and get that animal.”

Mandy makes that squeaking nose again. The corgi sneezes.

“I can’t. You’re not wearing any clothes.” She’s still hiding behind the door.

“Mandy…” Warning laces my voice.

The door creaks open. Mandy, hand over her eyes, takes a hesitant step inside.

“It’s under the vanity.” I point.

Mandy walks into a wall.

“Oof.” Groping around with her free hand, she begs, “Pepper, come on. You know you can’t be in here. We talked about this, remember?” Her hip bangs into the side of the vanity. “Ow!”

“A few feet to the left.” I run some product through my hair. I’m not one of those men who rolls out of bed, washes their hair once a week with dish soap, and calls it a day. It takes time to look like someone you would trust with billions of dollars.

“Pepper!” Mandy’s voice is pleading. “Pepper, please just get out of there.”

“Christ.” Grabbing the robe that hangs on the back of the door, I shrug it on, sidestepping her as she walks straight into the glass door of the shower.

“Uncover your eyes.” I tie the belt.

“Nuh-uh.”

“Mandy.”

Her fingers spread slightly, and her brown eyes peer at me.

“I’m wearing a robe. Get your animal. This is absurd.”

Mandy’s still peering through her fingers, and she gropes under the vanity, trying to grab the dog. It. Does. Not. Want. To. Leave.

It makes a wheezing sound as she finally drags it by its back feet out from under the vanity.

“I’m so sorry about that, Salinger.”

Mandy’s corgi side-eyes me as Mandy tries to scoop it up with one arm.