The words came rapidly.
“That’s my mom,” I admitted.
“Your—”
“And her new husband. Well not—my father wasn’t—He’s her husband. They’re married. They have two kids, and I’ve never met them, but you know, they’re my siblings, right? She hates me, always hated me. I look like him, my father, the guy who kidnapped her. I thought if I just—well, I guess it doesn’t matter now, she’ll always hate me, but I guess I missed her. Or maybe not. Probably though. But I wanted to do nice things for her and her family. I feel guilty, like I owe her, like there’s this massive debt I will spend the rest of my life repaying, and I have to make her life as easy and magical as I can to make up for everything. But I can’t just show up at her house with a check, right? That’s how you end up on a list, so …”
Lexi’s eyes were big in her head.
I gestured helplessly. “So now you know my secret toxic traits. Like I said, I’m not a good man. Not like you. You’re so kind and good and this bright pure light out there in the world. You see the good in everyone. Shit, you don’t even swear. You’re the most pure, wonderful person I’ve ever met.” My eyes searched hers. “You make friends with everyone, and you know exactly who you are and what you value and you won’t let anyone corrupt the goodness inside of you.”
Lexi was shrinking down in her seat. She looked uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry for the other night and sorry for yelling at you and sorry for trying to crush your spirit. I just—I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I couldn’t bear it. I really—it would kill me, I think.”
I put the car into gear. “So where do you want me to take you?”
“I—” Lexi swallowed, looking pale under those freckles. Then she turned to me.
“I’m not a good person. I’m a fraud!” she cried. “My dad worked his butt off, saved every penny to send me to college and then a master’s program. He is so proud of me, and my whole life plan was to work at Disney in their marketing department. I had interned there and worked at the parks every summer. My mom was Ariel at the park, and my dad played Mickey Mouse when they were younger. I thought that it was meant to be, that Disney was where I was meant to work.”
She looked miserable. “I graduated, applied there, and made it through two interviews. But then they didn’t accept me, and I didn’t have any other options because I thought I was going to get the job. After I was rejected, I had to go home and tell my parents that I had failed. That my dad had poured his heart and soul into me, had worked overtime and messed up his back, and it was all for nothing because I was a failure of a daughter.” Her mouth was trembling.
I just wanted to gather her in my arms, tell her it would all be okay.
“The worst of it?” she said, blinking back tears. “Was my parents didn’t even act mad at me, just told me I would find the perfect job. I couldn’t let them down, so I found this job online and lied and told my mom and dad it was a marketing job and that I had aced the interview and that I was making all this money, and they were so relieved and then so happy that I was a big success and awesome at marketing and had a great boss. I had to keep lying to them, and I’m still lying to them so that they don’t think they have a failure of a daughter.”
She wiped her nose.
“So now you know my toxic traits.”
27
LEXI
I’d never said that all out loud to anyone, how guilty I felt. I’d mentioned it to McKenna in a “please do me a solid” type of way, but not poured out the guilt and self-loathing to her.
But I had to Grayson.
It seemed like he would get it. We sat in the car, both on the most miserable carnival ride in the world.
The talking vultures fromThe Jungle Bookcrooned out a song about friendship. I turned it off, and we rode in silence.
Finally Grayson said, “My company does some work for Disney with the backup power at their Hong Kong park. If you want, I can ask them if they would consider putting you on their short list for the marketing department.”
“Aww, Grayson!” I squealed. “You’re trying to do a good deed for me.”
There was a small smile on his face.
“Since I just got rejected, my plan was to wait a couple years to reapply, you know, bolster my résumé. But what a generous offer! I love a good, good deed. See? Kindness is its own reward.”
I rolled down the window and waved to the lady in the car next to us.
“Your dog is adorable!” I shouted to her when she gave me a suspicious look.
I handed her a sticker. “Happy Saturday!”
“Thanks,” she said, losing some of her irritation.
