“Smart man.”
“He’s a good man. And so are you.”
“I’m not,” I told her, straightening up.
“Lexi seemed to think so. She can be loud.” My mom tipped her head.
“Yeah.” I huffed out a laugh.
“I take it that the reason I haven’t seen you the past month is not because you two ran off to live happily ever after?” she asked.
I lined up the pens on my desk.
“It’s better that she’s not with me anymore,” I said, finally realizing the truth of the words, fully accepting the bone-crushing weight of a future without Lexi.
My mom stood up and came around the desk. She bent over and cupped my face, like she used to do when I was little.
“It’s okay if you’re happy, Grayson. You don’t have to be miserable for me.”
“I went to visit Da—Stuart,” I said abruptly.
Siobhan jerked her hand back.
“Why?”
“Lexi told me to.”
“She did?” My mom was horrified. Betrayed. Hurt.
It felt more normal, easier to bear than her kindness.
“Lexi wanted me to have closure. Also reconnected me with my brothers, and gifted me a pet rock.” I held up Crumpet.
“You really love her.” My mom’s eyes searched mine.
“I love you too,” I said heavily. “But that doesn’t mean anything, does it?”
My mother regarded me.
“You know what? I take it back. I think you’re a little bit at fault. Just the teeniest, tiniest bit.”
“Right,” I barked out.
“You want to make it up to me?”
“Anything you want,” I promised.
“Go after her. Go after Lexi.”
“I can’t do that. She hates me,” I pleaded.
“No,” my mom said, “she loves you.”
67
LEXI
Thump!
