I smoothed down my jacket and started to head to the front of the room. But Merrie beat me to it.
Meg handed her the microphone.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed, racing up to her.
“Hi everyone.” Merrie hiccupped. “Might have made that eggnog a little strong.”
“Never!” Ida called out.
“Please state your name, address, and occupation,” Meg told her, “for the meeting minutes.”
“My name is Meredith Ellis, I am a small business owner in Harrogate, and I live in the nativity scene.”
“Jesus Christ.”This is such a train wreck.
“We are going to lose this deal,” Eli hissed to me.
I reached for the microphone.
“I got this,” Merrie slurred loudly, swinging away from me.
“Now,” she said, listing slightly while I looked on in disbelief as my company circled down the drain.
This fucking woman.
“We all need to vote for Matt’s vertical farm expansion. They have the most adorable robots and—”
“It’s ruining the countryside!”
“Shut up, Marge!” Bettina hollered at the woman with the sign. “My niece is trying to talk. Go on,” Bettina told Merrie.
“This is a fucking shit show,” Eli said under his breath.
“As you know, it’s very difficult to get decent fruit in the winter,” Merrie said, “or fresh leafy veg. Harrogate is a small town, and we rely on tourism, which means restaurants need a way to purchase high-quality produce at all times of the year. Matt’s company, I don’t remember the name of it, but they can get these items. He gave me fruit for the bake-off. Speaking of, I should have gotten a higher score on those jelly rolls. I should have bribed the judges.”
“You can’t bribe the bake-off judges,” the mayor said.
“S’fine,” Merrie slurred, blinking and pushing her hair out of her face. “I have the world’s sexiest bake-off partner, and he totally stepped up last week. I might have to give him a blow job if he keeps up the good work.” She gave me an exaggerated wink and took a sip of her eggnog.
I tried very hard not to think about her mouth on my cock.
“Anyway, I’m really drunk and probably going to pass out or puke, so vote for these very sexy guys and for cheap strawberries in February!” She raised her glass.
“Amen!” someone in the crowd shouted.
“Please do not include the line about the blow job in the minutes,” Meg told the secretary.
“Too late,” the older woman said. “They’re in the minutes.”
Meg sighed loudly. “Are there any other remarks?”
“We need to speed this up,” a man yelled, “or we’re going to miss the raffle.”
“Yeah,” several people muttered.
“Fine.” Meg rolled her eyes. “We’re going to call for a vote for the expansion of the vertical farms.”
Yes!” Merrie yelled, causing the microphone to crackle. “Everyone vote yes!”
