The group crossed the street, not looking where they were going and not stopping for traffic. A taxi almost crashed into a car that had stopped for the women. The taxi driver yelled out of the window, shaking his fist. I cringed, but Vera was completely oblivious.
Over the blaring of the horns, Vera asked, “Which spa were you girls at? Did you go to the one on thirty-seventh where they do the Mali mud hair treatment? I’ve been meaning to go there.”
I reached up to gingerly touch my plastic-wrapped head. “Er, no, just a little baking mishap.”
“Now that you’re here, we should reschedule the HOA meeting.”
“What? Why?” Maeve asked.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said in confusion. “I’m just here to pick up my clothes.”
The doorman opened the door, and Vera ushered us inside.
“Do you think the concierge will let me up?”
“I’m one of the concierges,” Vera said proudly. “Just got hired after the last gal had to go on bed rest for her pregnancy, poor thing. We’re all organizing a food delivery for her. I have you down for cupcakes and a casserole next Tuesday.” She bustled behind the desk and grabbed a set of keys.
“And of course, it’s staffed twenty-four, seven.” We heard Belle’s voice as she came around the corner from the elevator lobby. A stately, elderly woman was beside her.
“Good gracious! There’s a homeless person here.” Ethel clutched her handbag.
“Tess is one of our best residents,” Vera explained, “and when she’s HOA president, we’re going to have not only twenty-four, seven alcohol in the lobby, but we’re also going to have a hot guy down here to serve it.”
“Er… what?” Maeve said. “You’re going to be on an HOA, Tess?”
Ethel was just as confused. “Tess, what in the world are you wearing?”
“I need to do laundry,” I tried to explain.
But Vera had moved on.
“This place is hopping,” Vera told Ethel, grabbing her arm. “We have jazzercise in the park on Wednesdays, naked yoga on Tuesday and Thursdays, and the people at the pool will bring you as much alcohol as you want, whenever you want. You can’t beat free alcohol.”
“I think I need a drink now,” Ethel said, wavering a little.
“So do I,” I muttered to Maeve.
“I’ll give you a few days to think about the unit then check in with you,” Belle said smoothly.
“Oh,” Ethel said. “Of course I’m taking the unit! I need to be near my three granddaughters.”
“You have another one?” I asked in confusion.
“You’re my granddaughter too,” Ethel said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “My son adopted you.”
“Yeah, but I’m not—”
“Of course you are,” she said, adjusting her handbag. “And now that I’ve disowned Alistair and Shannyn, I expect our Friday-night dinners to continue. I’m going to have the Indian place that the girls introduced me to cater. Also—” she turned to Vera “—go ahead and put my name down for canasta night. I hope you all come ready to play because you all haven’t seen anything yet.”
She looked at me critically. “Tess, you can put on your calendar that we’re going shopping. I can’t have my granddaughter running around in her bathrobe. I know that’s the style among all the young billionaires, but I just don’t understand it. In my day, people with money knew how to dress. They didn’t just turn up looking like a homeless person. But you should have seen this one young man at the club the other day. Practically in rags but he ran a multibillion-dollar tech company.”
“I’m actually not going to be at Friday-night dinner,” I said, holding up a finger.
“Why in heavens not?”
“Beck and I are not… er… well, you know.” I tapped my two index fingers together.
“Oh,” Ethel said, giving me a knowing look. “Yes, that happened to my husband in his later years. He just couldn’t get it up. No shame in sleeping in separate bedrooms. However, if I were you, I would invest in a vibrator.”
