“Wow!” Ivy exclaimed, peering at the image that popped up in my text message app. “That is not a man who regrets anything.”
“Damn!” Sophie said as we all gazed upon the glory that was Chris’s shirtless chest.
“I am not a photographer,” Elsie said, “but that is a nicely composed picture.”
Chris:You sure you don’t want this?
“You need to respond!” Sophie said, practically jumping up and down.
I shifted in my seat, my body remembering his hands and tonguethere.
“I shouldn’t encourage him,” I murmured.
Chris:How about this?
“Dayum!” Ivy said as the next picture came in.
“Nicest dick I’ve ever seen,” Amy remarked as we studied it.
Elsie frowned. “I feel like that might actually be closer to eleven inches.”
“You think?” Amy said breathlessly.
“Maybe it’s the lighting or the camera lens,” Ivy suggested.
“He better not be using one of my cameras,” I complained, my brain not letting me believe that I was seeing Chris’s dick on my freaking phone.
“Priorities!” Brea sang. “Tell him to send you another picture with a ruler next to it.”
“No, we need it measured fully aroused,” Ivy said. “For science.”
Brea dug around in her large sewing bag and pulled out a cloth measuring tape and handed it to me.
“Use that. We don’t want cold metal anywhere near his work of art.”
“I’m not measuring Chris’s dick!” I said, horrified.
“Do it while he’s asleep,” Sophie suggested.
“Oh my God!”
“You need to get your money’s worth on this wedding,” Elsie said.
“I am not taking a penny of his money. He’s already letting me and Gran live in his house for free.”
“I know, I know, but”—she pointed to my phone—“you can’t just not experience all married life has to offer.”
“At the very least,” Ivy cajoled, “cook Chris a nice meal.”
“He totally deserves it after that picture,” Amy added.
“Then,” Brea said, “once he’s all stuffed with lasagna, he’ll want to take a nap. You can, you know, pump him up big, get a measurement, and then I’ll win the betting pool!”
She pumped her fist. “Thirteen inches, go! I have money riding on that!”
* * *
There wasno way I was making Chris anything to eat. I needed to work.
