“I’m a guest here, first of all,” I told her, striking a pose in my tux. “Second, you didn’t just order fries and a cheeseburger. You had like half a cake and a bottle of five-hundred-dollar champagne.”
She went wide-eyed.
“That champagne was five hundred dollars?” she squeaked. “Shit, shit, shit!” She fumbled in her pockets for her phone.
“Relax,” I told her, “I already called the hotel and had them put it on my card.”
It had been a stroke of genius. Really, was it any surprise I was a billionaire?
Unfortunately, Grace was immediately suspicious. “What do you want? Why are you paying for my stuff?”
“I think that’s my line,” I said dryly. “I just want us to be on good terms, you know, since we’re married and all.”
“Oh, we’re past that,” she retorted. “I’m taking you for all you’re worth.”
I tried not to vomit.I knew it.
Grace burst into laughter and doubled over. “You should see your face!” She slapped her leg.
“That was mean,” I said around her laughter, “and unnecessary. You don’t know me. What if I had a heart condition?”
“Guess I’ll have to make sure not to cause you any erections. Don’t want you to pass out!”
“This is a serious situation.”
“Yes,” Grace said, eyes narrowing. “So no funny business from you, mister. You’re not stealing my company. I will cut you! My friend is a chef and has several very sharp imported Japanese knives.”
I opened my mouth, shut it, then opened it again.
“You thinkI’mgoing to steal fromyou?”
“Yes,” she said stubbornly. “Hell, for all I know, this is likeYou’ve Got Mail, and you’re trying to run my wedding planning company out of business.”
“I don’t want your wedding planning company,” I said horrified. “I hate weddings.”
Several well-dressed women returning from the powder room gave me dirty looks.
“You can’t say you hate weddings at a wedding,” Grace said, punching me lightly on the arm. “That’s sacrilegious!”
“Trust me,” I said, “I don’t want any of your company.”
“And I’m not paying you alimony,” she said, glaring at me.
I gaped like a fish.
“I am the billionaire here,” I sputtered. “I would pay you alimony.”
“I don’t want anything from you.” She glared up at me. “Besides, you could pull some sort of trickery and try to take my hard-earned profits.”
“You are insane,” I said to the wall sconce. “This is insanity.”
I turned back to Grace. “We are going to hopefully get an annulment. I have lawyers working on it, and if not, we will have a no-fault divorce.”
“I don’t trust you,” Grace said after a moment.
“Good, because honestly, I don’t trust you either,” I said.
“Well, good. That’s settled.”
