I buttoned my bespoke suit jacket, and the driver handed me the flowers. I had reservations at this nice French place—private balcony overlooking the skyline, the works. Grace was going to be pleasantly surprised.
But when I stepped off the elevator into her brightly lit office, she was visibly upset. Dana was angry, and Gunnar hovered around Grace guiltily.
“What did you do?” I snarled at him.
“It was an honest mistake,” Gunnar began.
“What happened? Grace, are you okay?”
She glared up at me over the top of her glasses. She was trying to be furious, but really she just looked like she was about to cry.
I swear, if Gunnar did anything to her…
“What do you care?” Grace shot at me. “Why don’t you go inspect your credit card statements?”
“Look, I know I was out of line, but I’m going to make it up to you,” I said determinedly. “I want our fake marriage to work.”
“It’s not fake!” Grace screeched at me.
I dropped the flowers.
“No I…no.” It was my worst nightmare—literally. I would have these dreams, especially after too much drinking and partying, that I had accidentally gotten married.
“I can’t…that’s not…you didn’t just say that,” I sputtered.
“There was a terrible mistake,” Gunnar said. “But I just want you to know, Chris, that it totally was not my fault.”
“Yes, it was,” Dana said in a low voice, nostrils flared. Both Gunnar and I took a step back. Grace might have been furious, but Dana was reacting like a corporate scion backed into a corner by a potential lawsuit, and the claws were out.
“You hadone job, Gunnar,” she said in a clipped tone. “To organize the wedding. For fuck’s sake, we even collaborated with the best wedding planning firm in the tri-state area, so literally all you had to do was not fuck up. I told you specifically to collect the marriage certificates so we could save them for the final reveal. All you had to do was, at the end of the evening, count to four and see if you had four certificates.”
“Yes, that was my job. We all agree on that, Dana, but sometimes people make mistakes,” Gunnar rambled. “There was a lot going on.”
“You had time to eat wedding cake,” she said through bared teeth.
“So I got carried away in the moment.”
“And you had three bowls of pasta.”
“Elsie is an excellent cook…chef,” he corrected quickly. “It slipped my mind, Dana. I’m sorry. I tried to correct it. But it was too late!”
“I can’t be married,” I said, starting to panic.
Take deep breaths…
“Why was the certificate filed?” I shouted, heart pounding.
“The officiant got confused, and Grace’s and your marriage certificate ended up in the pile of the other real weddings she had done.”
“You can’t stop it?” I demanded, “You have to go down to the courthouse and stop it!”
“It’s already filed and stamped,” Dana said, scowling at Gunnar. The blood rushed in my head.
I was married. Grace and I weremarried. Oh fuck, she was going to take all my money!
“It’s only one couple, at least,” Gunnar said. “Right, Dana? Look on the bright side?”
“You picked the wrong couple to fuck with,” I roared. “I am going to sue the shit out of all of you. You’re going to hear from my lawyers. And I’m done with your stupid fucking show.”
