“Can I have someone who looks like Chris Evans?”
Wait, no! No Chrises.
But…brown hair and blue eyes…
My friends were snickering behind the camera.
“But notEndgameChris Evans where he was phoning it in,” I amended, trying to salvage the situation. “Just someone…”
“Cut, ripped, with washboard abs?” the hippy lady said with a wink.
“Er…yeah, I mean, if you have that. If not, just someone who’s not a whiny little bitch.”
“Have you dated a lot?” Priyanka asked.
“Hardly ever.”
“Are you a virgin?” Rainbow asked me, gaze intense.
“What? No! I’ve slept with men.”
“Would you say you enjoy sex?” Rainbow pressed.
“Jeez, getting personal with the questions.”
The two women blinked at me.
I blew out a breath. “I mean sure. It’s great.”
“Do you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral?”
My face burned.
“Are you embarrassed by these questions?” Rainbow asked me in that creepy calm way.
“A little.”
“You’re going to be having sex with your husband,” she said.
If he looks like Chris Evans, then I’m sure I will.
Priyanka laughed. “What size cock do you prefer on a man?”
“I…uh…I haven’t exactly measured them, so I couldn’t say.”
“What is the most adventurous thing you would be willing to do in or out of the bedroom?”
“What kind of questions are these?” I demanded.
“Sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage,” Rainbow said sagely.
“Aren’t questions like, do you share the same values, and is one person the type who leaves dishes in the sink to ‘soak’”—I made air quotes—“while the other person actually does dishes, more important?”
“Yes, but you’re not roommates. You’re husband and wife,” Priyanka said matter-of-factly. “Now, how do you feel about sex toys in the bedroom?”
* * *
“That was worse than a gynecological exam,”I complained to my friends once the interview was finally over.
