I glanced over at Hunter. He was in his full-on egotistical alpha-male billionaire mode. And I hated it.You’re going down.
“First question, candidates,” Edna said after quieting the crowd. “Now, keep in mind these are questions I wrote. We will have separate sessions later where it will be open forum for the townspeople to ask questions.” She adjusted her glasses. “What would you do in the first ninety days after being elected? Deputy Mayor, you will answer this question first, then Hunter and Ida, you have opportunities to rebut.”
“I’ve been deputy mayor for five years, and in that time, my days included meeting with citizens, working with developers, and helping to make Harrogate a better place for all residents,” I said, trying to project authoritative calm. “My first ninety days on the job as mayor will look like the last five years. There won’t be a dramatic transition period that will affect our small-town way of life. Things will chug along as they always have—smoothly.” I didn’t feel like my answer was that great. Karen had that shit-eating grin on her face, making me feel even less sure of my response.
“Hunter, your rebuttal.”
“Just to be clear, what Meg is telling you all,” Hunter said, “is that she is just going to keep coasting and not do any evaluation of how the town should be run differently. Unlike Meg, when I become mayor, there will be a reckoning. During the last few years, there have been a number of laws and initiatives passed that people in this town do not agree with. Change will be coming with my administration.”
“Ida,” Edna said warily.
The older woman cleared her throat. “Neither of these two kids are going to do anything that impacts the life of the everyday small-town residents. It’s going to be more of the same with Hunter and Meg—unlike if I’m mayor. First things first, on day one, we’re going to throw the biggest nude party ever on Main Street. We’re only serving healthy food, and it will be a festival to celebrate the connection of our bodies to the local environment.”
Edna muttered a curse under her breath. “Meg, your response?”
“Of course Ida and Hunter are promising you all change and parties.” I stared down the crowd. “The reality is that the office of the mayor needs to be responsible with your tax dollars and also must support laws and initiatives that preserve our small-town way of life. If Hunter had his way, Main Street would be bulldozed and turned into a knockoff Manhattan.”
Allie shot me a thumbs-up. Several people in the audience were nodding enthusiastically.
Hunter scowled. “Objection.”
“Hunter, this is not a courtroom. Next question is yours,” Edna said tartly. “What is more important, acting in response to the will of the people or acting in the way city officials believe is the best course of action?”
“First off, I want to respond to the egregious accusations Meg just made—”
“I don’t know what that word means,” Ida interjected. “Mr. Fancy Pants Billionaire is over here talking down to all us small-towners.”
“Ida,” Edna warned.
Hunter continued. “I have no intention of bulldozing anything. Svensson Investment has partnered on a number of development projects in the city. Many of you live or work in buildings—historic buildings, I might add—which we have poured tens of millions of dollars in to preserve the historic character of our town.”
“I live in one of your buildings,” one woman interrupted, standing up, “and my hot water pressure isn’t hard enough. When I flush the toilet, it’s only a trickle.”
“Yeah!” another guy said, jumping out of his seat. “And the light in my microwave is out.”
“Please talk to the maintenance department of your building,” Hunter said. His voice was smooth, but his right eye twitched in annoyance.
Edna banged the microphone on the table. “This is not a town hall, people! Ida, your rebuttal, please.”
“I didn’t finish my time,” Hunter complained.
“We need to keep this circus train rolling,” Edna said. “Ida?”
“The people will control the government!” she said, hoisting her fist high. The motion caused one of her boobs to pop out of her low-cut suit jacket.
There were screams in the audience, and someone fainted.
“Ida, cover yourself!” Edna hissed.
Instead, Ida pulled the other boob out. “Free the tatas! When I’m mayor, women will be allowed to walk around shirtless!”
Hunter clapped a hand over his eyes.
“Honestly,” I said into the microphone, “as someone who has been dealing with our beloved quirky small-town character on a daily basis, with all due respect, if Hunter can’t handle tonight’s debate, he can’t handle being mayor of Harrogate.”
That line earned me cheers and more dirty looks from Karen.
Edna banged on the table. “Last question because clearly no one is gleaning any benefit from this evening’s debate. Ida, this question is yours, heaven help us. Also, for the love of God, put those away.”
