The older woman grinned at me. “I know a gal who’s been getting some. Harris, let’s go and let these two kids finish getting their freak on. Your grandson looks like he’s still half drowning in bridled passion.”
Mark looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. I started giggling.
“Did you try any of the sex toys I sent over?” Ida demanded. “Look here.” She whipped a giant dildo out of her purse and handed it to me. “This will spice things up. Just wave this in his face if he starts falling back into the two-pumps-and-a-nap routine.”
“I think Mark’s probably got it a bit more together than that,” I said faintly.
Mark was clearly wondering to himself whether it would be better to end his misery by jumping off the balcony or slamming his head in the fridge.
Beowulf pranced over to me and sat at my feet, wagging his tail and barking. I waved the dildo at him. It wobbled unnervingly, and then it started vibrating. I shrieked and dropped it. Beowulf grabbed the dildo and raced around the room, happy to play with his new toy.
“That’s five hundred dollars,” Ida said.
Mark swore. “Why?” he practically shouted.
“It’s handmade, special limited edition, signed by none other than the artist Zarah herself,” Ida said. “I take credit cards.” She held out a card reader.
Mark begrudgingly handed her his credit card, and Ida swiped it.
“So you two ready to go on a double date?”
“Uh,” Mark said, “Brea has to work. She has Liz’s wedding dresses, plural, to finish.”
“Now, Mark,” Harris said, “you promised you would come out on a double date with your granddad.”
“I did?” Mark asked skeptically.
Ida returned his credit card, and he looked down at it with a pained expression.
“Yep! There’s a great sushi place nearby,” Harris continued. “They serve it off of naked people.”
“Naked mannequins,” Ida clarified. “You two work too dang hard! All work and no play is no fun. Let’s go go go!”
Mark and I looked at each other. Beowulf shook the dildo in his mouth, and it burst into song. The dog dropped it, yelped, and ran to hide behind Mark and growl at the dildo.
“I need a drink,” Mark muttered.
“That’s the spirit!” Ida exclaimed, shoving his jacket at him.
29
Mark
Ipinched the bridge of my nose.
I must have lost my mind. I’m going on a double date with my grandfather.
“Honestly,” Brea remarked as we were seated at the table and a dismembered mannequin arm was placed in front of us, “I think I would almost rather eat off of live people.”
A shared drink, served in a mannequin head that had been cut in half, had been placed in the middle of the table.
“There’s your drink,” Ida said, shoving a straw at Mark.
“I need something stronger than fruit juice mixed with wine,” I replied.
Brea took a sip of the concoction in the plastic head then coughed. “This is pretty strong. I don’t think there’s any juice in here,” she said as her eyes watered and her nose ran.
A waitress wearing a mannequin mask came by to take our order.
