“Not anymore,” my father said in disgust.
My head reeled.
“Give me that ring back,” my father ordered Camilla.
“But I’m not pregnant!” Camilla wailed. “It was a lie! Honestly. I’ll take a pregnancy test.” She grabbed my father’s suit jacket. He shook her off and stormed out of the room, Camilla following him.
“Holy shrimp tacos!” Ivy said, sinking down onto one of the sofas.
“I don’t think you want to touch anything in this room,” I said grimly, scooping her around the waist and lifting her back up. She was so close to me, so warm and soft in my arms. I was leaning down to almost kiss her when her phone went off.
Imogen’s screaming voice came through the speaker when Ivy answered.
“I just saw your father,” Ivy said weakly. “He was here just a minute ago.”
“Wedding duty calls?” I asked, still holding her.
“I guess we’ll finish this conversation afterward,” she told me. Before she left, she looked me up and down. “Nice tux.”
“I have it on good authority that I look even better without it on!”
Ivy quirked an eyebrow. “I’d have to see that for myself.”
I practically did backflips down the hall back to the groom’s suite.
“Camilla is not pregnant!” I announced to the group.
“Of course she’s not,” Teddy said as he ineptly tried to tie his bowtie. “She knows her dad would cut off her allowance if she got pregnant while unmarried. Now when is this wedding going to start? I’m starving.”
* * *
“I really wishyou would have eaten something,” I told Teddy as I wheeled him and his groomsmen on a luggage cart down the hall to the elevator.
“I’m not wearing any underwear!” Teddy told me proudly, lifting his kilt.
“Please keep that down! There are elderly women at this wedding. Though,” I said thoughtfully, “going off the elderly women I know, they probably wouldn’t mind.”
As nutty as the groom’s suite had been, it was nothing compared to the chaos in the staging area of the ceremony space. Camilla was crying and literally tearing out her hair extensions. The poor stylist was helplessly trying to pin them back into her hair as Camilla begged and pleaded for another chance while waving a negative pregnancy test at my father.
“Please take me back! I love you and you love me! We’re meant to be together.”
“Make her stop!” Imogen yelled, stamping her feet. “Make her stop! She’s ruining my wedding. Mika, do something.”
But Mika stood dejectedly in the corner as my mother’s earrings sparkled under Imogen’s up-do.
“The groom is here,” I told Ivy.
She inspected Teddy. He was half falling off the luggage cart. “Good. Let’s get this shit show on the road.”
Teddy slumped off of the luggage cart, his kilt falling up over his head exposing the family jewels. My stepmother screamed then wavered.
“Don’t act like you haven’t seen that before, Mom,” Imogen snapped. “Teddy, get it together.”
“I think we’re going to have to wheel him down,” I said.
“No! You need to help him down the aisle,” Imogen stated.
“But I’m on the bride’s side,” I reminded her.
