“I know he’s a dipwad,” Mika said. “But Imogen’s flying off the handle.”
“Then I guess I’m extra glad I was fired,” I said, scooping a few spoonfuls of salmon onto a plate as Fergus meowed and pawed at the rickety cabinet.
“You’re my only hope!” Mika begged. “I’ve been stress eating so much. The only way I’m going to fit into my bridesmaid’s dress is three layers of Spanx and duct tape. We’ll pay you three times what’s in the original contract with Weddings in the City.”
“We might be able to rent some office space,” Amy said hopefully from her nest of blankets.
If we rented an office, maybe Fergus and I could sleep there.
“Seeing as how I apparently have no morals and will throw my convictions out the window for money, I will see you in an hour. We have a wedding to put on!”
“That’s the spirit!” Mika cheered through the receiver. “I can’t believe Evan let you go. You are two peas in a capitalist pod.”
“Urgh.”
“It’s wedding day! It’s wedding day!” Amy cheered and jumped out of bed. She was already fully dressed.
“How? Why?”
She shrugged. “You know me. I love a wedding, even if it is for the world’s worst bridezilla!”
We arrived at the venue at five a.m. sharp. The wedding was already falling to pieces. I felt the familiar rush that I always felt on a wedding day. I clapped my hands to command the attention of the workers milling around in the ceremony space.
“I have printouts of the layout plans here,” I announced. “I need the chairs in a concave pattern, those ribbons on the pavilion, and once the flowers arrive, Amy will walk you through the setup.”
Window washers were outside the windows, giving them a cleaning for the photos, and I smiled and waved at them on my way to talk to the hotel manager.
“Do you have the latest plan for the reception layout?” I asked him and handed him a printout. “We will need the groom’s table in that back corner with the cake table over by the windows, please.”
“Just a reminder,” he warned me, “we don’t have our liquor license. Any guest brings alcohol, we have to shut the whole thing down.”
“Yep, no alcohol. That’s why we don’t have a bar. We’re just serving craft mocktails,” I assured him.
Satisfied that setup was going according to schedule, I steeled myself and took the elevator up to the bridal suite.
It was chaos.
“I’m missing a puppy!” my mother yelled, rushing around. Her hair was still in curlers, and she was only wearing her bra and undies. She had two fat, wriggling corgi puppies in her arms and was shuffling around, trying to catch another.
“I’ve got one!” Mika announced. A puppy ran up to me, sniffed my shoe, smelled Fergus, then peed all over my foot.
“No!” Mika barked at it.
The hotel staff member assigned to assist the wedding party looked on, horrified.
“We’ve paid a deposit,” I assured her weakly as Mika scooped up the puppy and put him in a cardboard box that his littermates had already half chewed.
“At least we only have five of them,” she said faintly as she handed me a towel to clean up.
“I’m just going to have to toss this shoe,” I said in disgust.
“Imogen is in a state,” Mika whispered. “She’s mad we only have five puppies.”
“Oh, Ivy! My darling daughter!” my mother exclaimed, dropping her puppies into the box.
“I have your things,” I told her flatly.
“Oh, wonderful! Did you find a new place for us to stay?”
