“I’m already going to be wearing the most eighties dress imaginable,” I said, rolling my eyes as we got out of the car. “And serving macaroni salad at my reception, not to mention I will have a wedding party of fifty people, half of whom will be wearing the second-ugliest dresses known to mankind. I don’t think people will notice a few wrinkles.”
“Think positive!” Shirley chirped as we went up the walkway to the front porch.
“There’s the guest of honor!” Ida exclaimed, throwing the door open. My sister’s house was full of women.
“I think we’re late,” I said.
“You’re right on time. We all arrived early to help set up,” Ida said.
I walked inside and was confronted with a large banner that read, in sparkly pink letters, SAME PENIS FOREVER.
“What the—”
“Don’t you like it?” Cassie said, batting her lashes. “The whole party is penis themed.”
“This looks more like a bachelorette party,” Shirley said faintly.
Penny was already there with photographers, and Gunnar, Dana, and their camera crew were interviewing various party guests.
“Oh my god, I cannot believe my sister,” I hissed to Shirley. “Now people are going to think I wanted this!”
“I would have thrown you a tasteful bridal shower with tea and light refreshments,” my friend whispered back. “But I had nowhere to host.”
I squared my shoulders as one of the camera guys—Zane, I thought his name was—came over.
“How do you like this party?” Dana asked me. “Your sister said that this was just your style.”
“I bet she did,” I said through my teeth, hoping I didn’t look angry.
Cassie hopped over and threw an arm around my shoulders.
“I know my sister very well. This issoher style, and you know what? She wants to start her own wedding-planning business, and she’ll organize a party just like this for any of you out there on the other side of the screen. Isn’t that right, sis?”
“Well, not exactly like this,” I said. “Cassie put her own spin on it.”
“Nonsense! I couldn’t do something typical and basic for you,” she said. “Not with how many men you’ve been through. I mean, every time you show up to a family function, you have a new guy with you. I don’t know how you’re going to deal with only having Blade in your bed or in your car or in your office for the rest of your life!” She gave a fake laugh.
“He’s very satisfying,” I said.
Cassie giggled. “Let’s hope he stays that way. You do jump through men. Why, it wasn’t but four months ago that you brought Nathan over to meet everyone at Trevor’s and my couple’s shower. You said he was the love of your life. In fact—” She pulled out her phone. “I have a video if you want to see it.”
“Let’s not—”
Zane stepped closer, focusing the camera on the phone. Cassie tapped her screen, and a loud recording played of me, hanging drunkenly on Nathan, proclaiming that he was the man I was going to marry.
Fuck.
“But then she met Blade,” Cassie said with another high-pitched, fake laugh, “and the rest is, as they say, history. But speaking of, because of course this is a small town, Nathan’s new girlfriend is here celebrating with us. You know Stacy.” Cassie pulled me into the living room.
There was Stacy, sitting on the couch with Kitty. She glared at me. “You broke Nathan’s heart,” she said accusingly.
“It’s a good thing you were there to keep him together.”
“I’m helping him heal. It’s a friends-with-benefits situation.”
Dear lord.
“And I’ll do the same for Blade when you inevitably break his heart too,” she said. Kitty nodded along beside her.
