“That makes me sound thirsty.”
“You are thirsty.”
“You just need to get over this hurdle. The V-card is holding you back in life,” Erika said, laying a hand on each of my shoulders. “You’ll hook up with a guy. It will be fine. Then you can move on to the love of your life.”
I poured myself more wine. “Maybe this is a bad idea. I should—”
“What? Ask your dad to find you someone in the cult?” Erika said, raising an eyebrow. “Use a matchmaker? Tinder is free.”
“That is true; it is free, and I do like free things.”
“Ooh!” Jasmine said. “You already have a match! Swipe right. Oh, dick pick, and it’s not even that big. Block.”
“I didn’t get to see it,” Erika complained.
“It was nothing special.”
“How would you know?”
“Oooh, this guy looks nice. And he even uses correct grammar,” Jasmine said. She typed furiously on the phone. “There. I’ve scheduled you for a date tonight. His name is Milton.”
“She can’t hook up with a guy named Milton!” Erika protested.
“He has a cat! He’s fine. It will be perfectly fine.”
“I wanted my first time to be amazing and special, not fine,” I said.
“You can’t afford amazing and special. You’re under the gun. I told him you’re expressly looking for a hookup but need a little convincing,” Jasmine said. “You’re meeting at Troll Bar.”
“I don’t know…”
“It’s hip; it’s cool,” Erika said. “Go forth and get laid, young grasshopper.”
* * *
Jasmine droppedme off in her SUV. “Have fun! I put condoms in your purse. Don’t mention you-know-what. You don’t want to spook him!”
My friends blew me kisses, and I walked into the bar. I didn’t see anyone who looked like Milton. The bar was packed, though, and I wasn’t that tall, even though I was wearing heels. After squeezing through the crowd, I saw him across the room and waved.
Future-hookup Milton was tall-ish, but he didn’t fill out like Parker. He was more of an asparagus, while Parker was chiseled out of marble.
You need to delete that shirtless picture of him. It’s creepy to still have it on your phone.
“Sadie,” Milton said, taking my hand and kissing it. Weird, but then I was the almost-twenty-five-year-old virgin, so beggars needed to get their shit together and lose that V-card and stop being so choosy. “It’s very nice to meet you,” Milton continued. “You look even better in person. I love your dress.” His eyes flicked down over my body.
My biscuits were trying not to crawl up in my insides. Milton was not inspiring confidence.
Bet it will be quick. You’ll be a real woman by nine o’clock. Three pumps then he’s done, and you can go home. There’s ice cream in the freezer.
“I’ll grab us some drinks,” Milton said. “You like piña colada?”
Not really.
“Sure!” My smile turned into a grimace as soon as his back was turned. I sagged. My feet hurt, and I was hungry.
“You’re not seriously going to lose your virginity to him, are you?” The voice was deep, slightly raspy, and very, very male.
“Parker?”
