She slammed the door in my face. The twins opened it back up.
"Penny has been drinking," they said.
"Clearly."
"Though she is on the larger side—college years and subsequent working years of too much stress eating will do that to a person," Lilith said, "she still doesn't hold her liquor all that well."
"I'm not that heavy!" Penny shouted, holding a Halloween cupcake in her hand.
Right. She was not over the comments I’d made in the car.
"I’m sorry, Penny," I said. "What I said in the car was true."
She raised her hand as if she was going to throw the cupcake.
"Don't throw the cupcake, Penny," Morticia said mildly. "I'll go find a butcher knife."
I tried not to gulp. "I didn't finish the thought, however. What I wanted to say was that clearly I am an unimaginative person, because I couldn’t dream up anyone as wonderful as you."
Penny was immediately in my arms. She kissed me, tasting like buttercream frosting.
"Please don't get that cupcake in my hair," I murmured against her mouth.
"You are a little unimaginative, but you're so sweet," she said, pulling me inside. "Let's find you something to wear."
"Please, no more tight pants.”
"I think Mimi had a bondage outfit," Morticia said. She and Lilith were dressed like Wednesday Addams in short black dresses, their dark hair in two plaits.
"I’m wearing a suit," I said. "I could be a vampire."
Penny looked me up and down. "Nope. I thought you needed to win that contract. You have to at least act as if you like Halloween," she said.
"So you're going to help me, and I'm forgiven?" I asked, resting my hands on her hips.
"Of course! Besides," she purred in my ear, "I haven't gotten the full Garrett Svensson treatment yet. I’m not going to throw that away over a dumb comment."
"She has remarkably low standards," Lilith said, tacking more fake spiderwebs over what looked like the very real ones on the grandfather clock.
"I want to drag you upstairs, but I think guests are arriving," Penny said, running her hands down my chest to my crotch.
"Put him in a costume," Morticia said. "Don't compromise your Halloween ideals for this joker."
"Besides, you owe her," Lilith said imperiously.
I followed Penny upstairs to a bedroom. It was stuffed with dolls. All the walls were covered with shelves, and they held doll after doll after china-faced doll. The lifeless eyes bored into my soul. The whole room smelled like lace.
"I was going to suggest we pregame in here. But…" she motioned around.
"It is creepy."
"Mimi has another room filled with ventriloquist dummies."
"Why?"
"Who knows?" Penny rummaged in a closet and pulled out a hanging bag.
"Is this where you found the Mr. Darcy costume?" I asked.
