"Are you going to sit there the whole time?" I snapped.
"I'm not a retreat member. I'm just trying to make sure you don't corrupt these innocent minds. Nude models, alcohol in the afternoon, flashing strange men. It's shameful, Hazel." He took a sip of his drink.
"I didn't flash you! You barely saw anything," I hissed, taking two steps toward him.
Archer leaned forward and whispered, "I grew up in a sexually repressed religious doomsday cult. I saw enough to be sent to hell for all eternity." He smirked.
"It was like I was wearing a bathing suit," I retorted.
"It was more titillating than that," Archer said in a low tone. "Did you get it? Isn't that a great play on words from someone who is stupid attractive?"
"Yeah, real sharp. You should get a cookie for your effort," I said dryly.
"You have cookies?" He perked up.
"No."
"You can't tease a guy like that, Hazel," he complained. "Also I can't believe you turned down my offer to be a nude model."
"The art retreat is just fine without you."
Archer grinned and leaned back on the couch. "You know," he said, "I think I will be a retreat participant. Art is very inspirational. Did you know there's a vault in the Vatican of explicit sexual art? There are paintings of people having sex with nymphs and goats and whatnot."
"Goat sex?" Ida yelled out.
"I thought you said your hearing aid wasn't working," I shot back to Ida.
"Naw, that's just what I tell my sister, Edna, when I don't want to listen to her badgering me," Ida said.
A smile played around Archer's mouth.
"It will be nice to have a man participate in the retreat," Ida continued. "You know, offer another perspective on things."
"Yeah, Hazel, how about it? Do you have anywide-openspots in your retreat?" Archer looked smug. I cursed my attractive-male-afflicted awkwardness. Also, why was it hot in here? I mentally put central air on my wish list of things to buy if I ever won that Art Zurich grant.
Begrudgingly, I checked the roster. "It looks like we have some spots still open."
Archer handed me his credit card. "It's heavy, isn't it?" he asked.
"You're inappropriate."
Archer clasped a hand to his chest. "That isn't what I meant at all, Hazel. Honestly, there are children and elderly present. I merely was making polite conversation. "
I clamped my mouth shut tight as I ran his card through the card reader on my phone. Or tried to. "It won't fit."
Archer smirked.
"Stupid knockoff card reader. Last time I buy something from China," I muttered. I entered the number manually.
"You're going to be very impressed with my art," Archer said as he signed the digital receipt. "You should see all the ink I have on my body."
He followed me into the storage closet, where I pulled out an extra easel and a canvas for him. He picked them up easily.
"You should come sit near me, sugar buns!" Ida called as Archer set up his station.
"Why don't you have another drink, Ida?" I offered, hoping to distract her.
"Don't mind if I do."
