"Nothing!" she said in a fake-pleasant tone.
"You are free to leave after you send me the notes to review," I informed her.
Josie sighed. "I'll have it done in a few hours."
"See that you do." My plan seemed to be going well.
Josie didn't send the notes out until close to midnight. Garrett was in the study with me at the house when Josie's email showed up in my inbox.
I opened it, expecting to see a mess. Instead it was nicely formatted with pictures and callouts for the conclusions.
"I see your assistant is working out nicely," Garrett said.
"I wouldn't say that. This is the only thing she's done right, so don't act so smug."
* * *
Josie was backto her disorganized self the next morning. As I was pulling into the parking lot, she almost ran over me with her tiny house.
"I can't stop! It doesn't brake easily," I heard her yell through the window. I needed to have a talk with her about not leaving that monstrosity in my parking lot.
"I'm early today!" she sang as she ran up behind me in the lobby. "I had candy for breakfast, and I am pumped!" I ignored her as she followed me up the stairs.
Josie stepped in front of me when we walked into my office. "I want to apologize for yesterday. I was acting shitty and unprofessional. I'm going to show you I'm a great assistant. This is the start of a brand-new me!"
"Your shirt skipped a button," I told her. She looked down at her blouse. I wondered if she was wearing that bra from two days ago when she showed up soaking wet. Then I cut that thought off. Josie was my annoying assistant. I was not thinking about her inthatway.
But I spent the whole morning obsessing over her. My schedule said I was supposed to be reviewing Garrett's latest financial report and preparing for the quarterly presentation. Instead I watched Josie through the glass wall that separated her office from mine. She had dumped out what looked like the entire contents of her purse, and they were piled messily on her desk.
Phone pressed to her ear, she typed furiously on the keyboard. In between phone calls, she would swear or eat something from the pile of stuff on her desk. As soon as I finally managed to stop wasting my time watching Josie and actually do some work, I heard the unmistakable sound of a phone hitting the floor.
"Did you break another phone?" I yelled, running into her office.
"It slipped out of my hand," she shouted. "Why don't you all have cases for these phones?"
"No one else has had a problem."
Whoever was on the other end was still talking from the receiver. Josie shushed me and knelt over the phone on the floor.
"Hello? Hello? Are you still there? Yes, I need to book a block of hotel rooms for September. Yes, for that conference… perfect, thanks!" Josie looked up at me and smiled. "At least I got that done. I made a list," she said proudly, showing me her notes scrawled messily on a scrap of paper. I couldn't even read Josie's handwriting. It looked like gibberish. She crossed out one of the rows of scratched writing.
"I don't know how you stay organized. Give me the phone," I growled.
She picked it up, and it basically disintegrated. The battery popped out, and the screen puffed into glittery dust. Josie handed me the phone. "I think I need a new one."
As I tried to put it back together enough to give to IT, Josie slumped dejectedly in her chair. Her computer glasses were perched on her nose, and tendrils of her curly hair had escaped from the messy bun and hovered in her face. She blew the hair away and shuffled the pile of stuff on her desk.
Pulling out two mason jars, Josie took out a piece of candy from each and shoved them both in her mouth.
She swallowed the candy and grinned when she saw me watching. "Admiring my candy jars?" she asked, holding the jars up to her chest. I could see her breasts strain against the fabric of her shirt with the motion.
"I'm not—"
She blew me a kiss. "I know you want to taste my candy."
"I don't eat candy."
"You'll likemycandy," she said, leaning forward, her breasts straining at her shirt. "Go on, just stick your hand in."
