I don’t remember every hit. Just impressions—bone under knuckle, the way his body goes slack then jerks back when I won’t let him drop. My hands are shaking, but I don’t stop.
I don’t stop when someone tells me that’s enough.
I can’t. Stopping would mean thinking.
I only stop when there’s nothing left in him that looks like a man who can talk.
When I finally straighten, breath ragged, knuckles slick, the yard is silent. Because there’s nothing left to punish. Rook is crumpled at my feet, face ruined.
I don’t lean down to check for a pulse, but either way, he won’t be getting up soon.
My chest hurts. Like I’ve been hollowed out and packed with broken glass.
That’s when the world sharpens again.
And I see her.
Wren’s closer than she should be. Close enough that she saw more than I ever wanted her to. Close enough that there’s blood on the toes of her shoes.
Her eyes are wide—not shocked, not curious.
Afraid.
Of me.
Something in my chest caves in.
She’s seeing the real me. Not a protector. A monster. I back away from her like I’m the one burned, blood still dripping from my hand.
“Don’t,” I mutter, not sure if it’s a warning or a plea. “Don’t look at me like that. He said yourname.”
“I know.” Her voice is steady, but her eyes shine like she’s holding something back by force. “I heard.”
That’s worse.
I take a step toward her without thinking. She flinches.
It’s small. Instinctive.
It guts me.
I close my eyes, rocking on my feet. It was too much to think she could handle me. That she could handle this life. If she was onthe fence about staying before, I’ve sealed the deal. She’ll never want me now.
“Sin.” Her voice is small. Steady. Worse than screaming.
I open my eyes to hers searching for a version of me that’s no longer real.
“That wasn’t you.”
“You’re wrong. This is me.”
She shakes her head, reaching for me.
I jerk away like her touch would finish the damage I’ve already inflicted.
“Don’t.” My breath comes too quickly, rushes with too much unchecked emotion. I give her the only truth I know. “I’ll ruin you, too.”
21
