She eyes me warily. “Nothing happened before, right?” I give her a look like she’s insane for even asking that, but she holds her in surrender in front of her. “I’m just checking. Grief does weird things to people.”
“That it does,” I agree. “She wants us to tell our parents.”
Emily stops and takes a seat on the curb between our houses, and I stay standing, needing the solid ground beneath my feet. “What do you want?”
“Em, I don’t even know. On one hand, it would be so easy to move away—start over where no one knows our story. And on the other hand, the weight of keeping this from the people we love is killing me.” I pace in front of her as I run my hands through my hair and tug, grateful that I’m able to tell someone other than Carter.
“Do you love her?” Emily asks, standing again.
I stop my pacing and turn to face her. “I shouldn’t. Her brother drove his truck into the back of an eighteen-wheeler, taking my brother’s life with him. I’m almost ten years older than her. She just finished college. So, I shouldn’t. And yet, the more time we spent fighting against this attraction, the harder I fell.”
“How did you two…you know, come to be this?” Emily asks, pointing, then joining her hands together like couples do, and I snort at her way of asking.
“I went into a bar for happy hour with some co-workers and she was there,” I tell her and see the wide-eyed look on her face like she knows all too well what I’m talking about. “What?”
“Just thinking of something,” Emily says while shaking her head in disbelief.
“Something? Or someone?” I prod.
She puts her hands on her hips and gets that look on her face like when we were younger, and she’d scold James and me. “This is your story, not mine. Back to it.”
“When we walked in, I saw her and immediately wanted to leave. Because how could I stay in a place and be served drinks by the girl whose brother took my brother’s life? And I know she had nothing to do with what Liam did. But I couldn’t separate the two, you know?”
“It’s misplaced anger. Or hatred in your case,” Emily interrupts.
“Don’t I know it,” I sigh. “I planned to tell her off. But when she saw me approach, her face dropped. And as I looked closer, at the girl under the skimpy assigned work outfit and the full face of makeup, I saw a girl who was still coping with the loss of her brother. Of the loss of her only sibling. And what kind of person would that make me if I chastised her for her only brother’s actions when I still had some of mine?” I drop my head back and groan. God, that felt good to get off my chest. And to someone who knows first hand what I might be experiencing.
“I went back to the bar a few days later, and she was working again. I think she was more shocked that I was there again than I was that I returned to her place of work. This went on for about a month until we finally spoke. And it was like the sound of her voice wrapped around my heart, kickstarting it into overdrive. So I went back to the bar after Sunday dinner, I got lucky and saw her car in the parking lot and waited. When she came out, she told me off, and I kissed her.” Saying that out loud, I want to go back in time and slap myself for kissing her without her permission. But I can’t change the past any more than who we’re related to.
“I’m still friends with Kamryn,” Emily blurts out and I stare at her with wide eyes and a shocked look. “I know. It would have been so much easier to cut her off. She was a painful reminder of that day. Because instead of grading papers and spending time with my fiance´e, we got called to go our separate ways to help them manage the fallout from their failing relationship. After that, I stopped talking to her for a while. I stopped talking to everyone.
“The grief that I was attending and speaking at his funeral, instead of the elation over our wedding, switched something in my psyche. So while I don’t know what it’s like to love someone that should be off-limits, I do know whatit’s like to feel something for someone when you shouldn’t. Or when you’re not ready.”
We start walking up her parents’ driveway and I turn to her. “You met someone?” I ask. Emily should be allowed to move on. She shouldn’t feel like she’s betraying James or us by moving on.
“Yeah. I think I did,” she says slowly.
“Why do you sound so unsure?” I ask as we sit on the front steps.
Emily places her chin on her closed fists. “I feel like I’m not allowed to move on. Like I’m stuck in this purgatory of emotions, constantly waiting. Waiting for him to just walk through the door of our apartment with some sports stat. I think that’s what I miss the most. Him telling me something that had him bursting at the seams.” She turns to look at me and a small smile graces her face. “But this new guy, Adam, he’s the dad of one of my students. Older than me. I’m not sure how much older. But he’s the first guy my heart has jumped to since James and I am terrified.”
“Em, you know it’s okay to move on,” I tell her.
“I know. But saying it and doing it are two different things.”
I sling my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer to my side. “What a pair we are.”
The last of the sun fades as we sit here, leaving nothing but dark blue sky in our view. With the puff of our breaths seen before us, we know our goodbye is coming closer.
“You and Angie should come and visit. I’m not sure how easy it will be to see her, but maybe Kamryn would like to see her?” Emily offers as we stand up.
“Maybe,” I muse and lean forward, kissing her on the forehead before crossing between our yards and heading inside.
After helping to clean up the kitchen and promising to come back over at a reasonable hour to help with cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I head back home. My talk with Emily cleared up a lot, as it only ensured that Angie and I have to tell our families before the end of the year.
22
ANGIE
