“I’m here on Gaia’s orders,” Brodie growled. “She’s charged me with protecting the lass, specifically from this Lucas character.”
“It was very nice of your earth goddess to send one of her worshippers, but you can go now,” Jax said so dismissively that I almost laughed. “I’ve got it covered.”
“I’ll be doing no such thing!” Brodie thundered, drawing attention from the other patrons again.
“Guys, guys!” I hissed, making shushing motions with my hands. God, was I the only sane one in this room? That was a scary thought, considering I was missing so many of my memories. “I’m not getting rid of Brodie,” I said sternly. “He’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s proven himself to me. I trust him with my life. No offense, Jax, but I can’t say the same of you. I’d like to believe you’re my best friend, but the fact is, I don’t remember. Any memories I had from my Sentinel life are gone.”
Jax stared. “They must have wiped you,” she said, her voice rife with disbelief. “I’ve heard of it happening to Sentinels before, but it’s so rare. I don’t think it’s been done in a couple of hundred years.”
I swallowed as a bad feeling settled into my gut. “What do you mean, they ‘wiped’” me?”
Jax let out a harsh breath. “Wiping is something we do when a human accidentally learns too much about our world. It’s a specific spell that erases the memories and implants a command into the brain to fabricate new ones to take their place. Usually when we wipe a human, it only takes away a few hours’ worth of memories at the most. Sometimes days, in extreme cases. It all depends on how much they were exposed to.”
“We Druids do something similar,” Brodie said grudgingly. “It saves the humans from having to deal with traumatic experiences for the rest of their lives when no one would believe them.”
I nodded. “So you’re saying that this happened to me?”
“That’s the only explanation I can think of,” Jax said heavily. “We only wipe Sentinels if they’ve experienced extreme trauma that can’t be reversed, Bell. Mental trauma,” she explained when I frowned. “Lucas must have fucked up your mind if the council decided that the only way to deal with you was to wipe your memories and give you a new life.”
“So my memories are gone?” I asked, tears stinging at my eyes. “Not just buried, but actually gone?”
Jax nodded sadly. “Yeah. They’ve been wiped from your brain, and filled in with new ones. You probably have some neat explanations written in there as to why you don’t have any family or friends. And those seizures you’re experiencing… well, I’ve never heard of that because we don’t monitor those that we wipe, but if I were to guess, I’d say they’re triggered whenever you run into something from your past.”
“Yeah.” An epiphany struck me, and my jaw dropped. “It’s like when you see something or someone that reminds you of your past… but when your mind searches for the memory, there’s nothing there.” Relief crashed through me, so potent and sweet that I nearly sagged. God, that had to be it! So simple! And yet…
“Jesus,” I muttered as despair engulfed me. “This means my seizures will never go away, will they? As long as my memories are missing, the seizures will keep happening.” My throat swelled with unshed tears. Would I ever catch a fucking break? Every time I thought I was getting closer, it turned out that my dream was just as far out of reach as it had been before. No, maybe even farther. Because there was no cure for this. I would have to give up hope that I’d ever be well again.
“Bells.” Jax reached for my hand, compassion softening those intense blue eyes. “Please, don’t be sad. There’s a way around this.”
“How?” I blinked fast, holding back the tears. “How is there a way? Can you give me my memories back?”
“No. But I can give you the next best thing.”
16
Arabella
“Idinnae like this, lass,” Brodie grumbled as we followed Jax back to her hotel room. She was riding ahead of us in a sporty little Hyundai Genesis—a rental, she’d said. She hadn’t felt like taking her motorcycle all the way up to Bakersfield to handle the demonic possession she’d been sent out to deal with, she’d told me, as if such a thing were all in a day’s work for her.
I guess it is, I thought to myself. Apparently, it used to be for me, too.
“I get it,” I said, trying not to let my exasperation show. “But I need answers, Brodie. No offense, but Jax has offered me what could be the first real solution to my epilepsy, and I’m not going to let it slip away just because it hurts your male pride.”
“My pride?” Brodie scoffed as if the idea were ridiculous, but his cheeks colored ever so slightly, telling me that I’d hit my mark. “This isn’t about pride, lass. This is about my concern for yer safety.”
“And what about this is unsafe?” I demanded, twisting in my seat to face him. “She’s a Sentinel, isn’t she? That means she’s on our side.”
“No, it means she’s on her side,” Brodie argued, his knuckles growing white against the steering wheel. “I’m not a Sentinel, remember? I’m a Druid, and an outcast one at that. I belong to no clan, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure I ever want to. If yer friend is right, yer own kin tossed ye out into the cold and stripped yer memories. What good are they?” he demanded.
His words sent an ice pick of agony through my chest. Sucking in a breath, I gripped the armrests of my seat tightly and fought for composure. But his point hit home, and I found myself blinking back tears. Why had my fellow Sentinels abandoned me? Was I really so completely traumatized by whatever Lucas had done that casting me out had been the only option? It didn’t seem right that they’d wiped and then just completely forgotten about me. I wasn’t sure if my parents were even dead like I always thought. If they were still alive, did they know the truth about what happened to me? I wondered if my trust fund had been set up by them.
“Oh, lass.” Brodie slid a thumb across my cheek, wiping a tear I hadn’t realized was there. “Dinnae cry, please. ’Twas not my intention to upset ye so. I’m just trying to look out for ye.”
“I know.” My lower lip trembled, and I sniffed back tears. God, it seemed like the past few days had reduced me to a crybaby. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried so much. I prided myself on being tough, on keeping my chin up and my eye on the prize. But the last few days had ripped the roots of everything I thought I’d known out of the ground and tossed them into the swirling storm around me. I needed to find my center again. I needed to ground myself.
“Look, Brodie,” I said, gently removing his hand from my face. I wanted to hold it tight, to cling to the comfort and strength it offered like a lifeline, but he’d made his feelings about me crystal clear. I set his hand on the gearshift, then cleared my throat. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but it’s time for me to start making some decisions. This is my future we’re talking about, and I can’t face it without knowing something about my past. Jax is my only option, and you know it.”
Brodie sighed. “I ken, lass. I do. It’s just hard for me to trust her.”
