“But for what it’s worth,” I add. “That suits you better than apologising.”
“What does?”
“The anger.”
Her eyebrows seem to knit together, her mouth opening as if to respond before she seals it shut. Staring at me with those blue eyes. Not waiting for her response, I turn and withdraw into my bedroom, closing the door with a click behind me.
Distance is protection.
Cruelty is control.
I just don’t know who I’m protecting anymore.
Chapter 6
Elodie
I’ve lost track of what day it is.
I know it’s afternoon because the sun has passed its midpoint. My days are blurring, trapped within these stone walls of Rowan’s wing. Every day after training, I’m back here staring out the window. Feeling more and more cut off from life, and from any hope of returning home. A thin line of dust lifts from the cover of the book as I crack it open, taking a seat on the sofa. It’s not exactly useful, just a tactical military manual. The faint sounds of boots and metal echo from beyond the archway. Quickly shifting my feet from the sofa to the floor, I feel a sudden stiffness come over me. Rowan enters, armour half-unbuckled, hair damp with sweat. He looks at what I’m reading.
“Don’t worry,” I say, holding up the book. “I have learned none of your castle’s secrets. But I could probably defend the eastern wall against a cavalry charge now.”
“I highly doubt that, but I would enjoy watching you try,” he says evenly, the corner of his mouth twitching. I narrow my eyes at him. It’s deeply inconvenient how distracting he looks without his usual armour hiding his face. I’ve had to remind myself to look away more times than I care to admit.
But that’s beside the point.
The point is, I am no closer to returning home, and all I can say for sure is that Rowan is a man of routine. He gives me a weary look as he heads into his room, locking the door behind him as he always does. I wait a few seconds, then stand with my ear to the door. Hearing the shower kick on with a sharp hiss, then smoothing into a rhythmic downpour. There is no way I can sit and watch the sun disappear under the blanket of stone once more. It might be stupid and reckless.
In fact, it’s definitely those things because who the hell do I think I am, planning to run loose in a castle of knights?
But I can’t just accept whatever has happened to me.
I need to do something.
However stupid it is.
I don’t care.
I’m already neck-deep in problems, what’s the worst that could happen?
My life is back at home. And no one else is going to get me there but me. Fear and dread knot in my stomach at all the possible scenarios.
What if I’m stuck here?
What if they decide I'm useless and kill me?
What if I stay as a prisoner here for the rest of my life?
I swallow down the lump forming in my throat and cast a quick glance at his door. He won’t be out for a while yet. I know because he does the same damn thing every day. I slip into the corridor, easing the door shut behind me. Taking a deep breath, I look in both directions. I tried to memorise as much as I could from our walks to breakfast, the training yard, various station points. I’ve figured out the route to the impressive stone archway. I’m just praying I can make it there unnoticed. Thankfully, making myself invisible is the one thing I’ve always been good at. I keep to the edge of corridors, where torchlight thins and shadows stretch long across the stone. The castle never seems to sleep, a constant undercurrent of movement even in the quiet moments. Somewhere below, boots scrape softly as knights trade positions, low voices carrying just far enough to remind me I’m not alone. I wait between corners, counting heartbeats, listening for the sound of armour before slipping across open spaces and into the darker seams of the yard. The training ground appears before me, a deserted expanse that is probably under constant surveillance. The stone archway stands in the centre, and a sharp sense of longing pulls at me.
I know he told me it wouldn’t work, but he would say that, right?
They’re investigating me. They wouldn’t want me to leave.
So, I have to try.
I have to do something.
