My body snapped upright before my brain could catch up. The phone rang again. This time, I didn't hesitate. I answered on the first ring.
"Jules?" came his voice right there in my ear. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. I barely recognized myself. I'd never been this affected by someone. Ever. You know that phase of your teenage years when any half-decent pubescent boy with long bangs and questionable style was enough to launch months of pining and endless name-scribbling in notebooks? I didn’t have that.
"The way you sounded so determined this morning, I thought you'd call me earlier," I said, sitting up straight in the bed. My fingers curled tightly around the phone, as if I didn't hold on, he might disappear.
"I wanted to call you the moment I stepped out of the house, actually... but I had some urgent matters to take care of." I couldn't read him over the phone, but his voice carried something. He sounded tired and... unease.
"Ominous," I muttered.
He forced a laugh and then cleared his throat, like he was trying to shake something off. But then, his tone shifted to a lighter one.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I took a long bath and was seriously considering passing out in my robe, because reaching for my closet sounds like actual torture right now." I didn't push. We were walking on thin ice here. I wouldn’t go into a spiral and crack whatever balance we’d found. I didn't want to overthink—not his tone, not the whole PR engagement mess, not the fact that we somehow already knew each other... from a dream.
"So... you're telling me you're naked right now?"
"I said I'm wearing a robe."
"With nothing underneath?"
"That's usually how one takes a bath, yes..."
Silence. And then I hear a sharp metallic clink.
"Chris?"
"Yes?" His voice had shifted again. Now it was low, almost a whisper. That soft, needy tone I knew all too well. The one he used when he was close, when he wanted to touch me, ask for more... do more.Shit.I thought I was too tired to be horny. Apparently not. Chris Jones' voice—on the phone—was enough to override my exhaustion.
"What was that?" I asked, referring to the noise I'd heard.
"My keys," he said. "I'm on my way..."
I froze. I couldn't tell if he was joking, and I kind of hoped he wasn't. My body was begging for sleep, sure, but as loudly, it was begging for him. For the way his hands had moved across my skin like he already knew me.
No.
I couldn't act on impulse. Not now. If we were going to have any shot at this, we had to learn about each other. About the versions of us that existed here, in the real world.Without distractions. Without shortcuts. Without that supernatural pull that made us reckless.
"Don't," I said, using all the strength I had to make it sound convincing. He let out a deep, slow breath. I could picture it perfectly, the frustrated tilt of his jaw and tension in his shoulders. It made me smile. "I don't think I'd be able to do anything anyway. I'm exhausted." A lie. A big one. Because I could do a lot. A whole. Damn. Lot. But he seemed to believe me.
"I'm sorry, by the way..." he said, his voice shifting again. The heat was gone; it sounded heavier and serious now. "I shouldn't have shown up drunk at your house at three a.m."
I was going to say,"It's okay." But it wasn't. So I didn't. The way he showed up here last night scared me. The thought of him driving intoxicated, in those weather conditions... it still made me shiver. It wasn't romantic. It wasn't bold. It was reckless. It was stupid. And it wasn't fair to me. At all. So I stayed silent, letting that truth settle between us.
Chris didn't strike me as someone who got many chances to apologize and take responsibility. Not because he didn't want to, but because people probably didn't give him space to. So here I was, giving him that chance. Not to prove to me that he could be the version of Chris I knew he could be... But so he could see it, too.
"The last few weeks were... hard," he said. "I snapped. And suddenly, I couldn't take it. I needed to see you."
"I'm glad you came. I'm glad we got to see each other again. But you could've waited. If your phone wasn't working, you still could've come over.Sober. Thenextday."
"Yeah. It was an asshole move. I've got a lot of asshole tendencies, remember?" He made fun of himself, trying to ease the tension. I didn't laugh. "I'm not going to erase them all in a day... or maybe in years, Jules."
I took a deep breath. I knew that. And it was exactly whatscared me. Because I could handle his asshole tendencies, I could wait for him to figure things out. God knows I had plenty of my own issues to resolve. But it wasn't just about me, was it? I had my family, and they had gone through enough as it was. Having someone in our orbit who was this careless was risky. It could all be too much.
"I can only promise you that..." he paused. "I'll keep trying."
I wanted to believe that. So badly.
