It felt safe talking to her because, in her eyes, I’d always be special, no matter what. She would never judge me for being… well, me. I didn’t trust that other people would love me unconditionally once they knew about the mayhem in my head, so I kept quiet about it. Or maybe I was embarrassed. To be a grown-ass woman in her thirties, spending hours upon hours lost in stories and building worlds that existed only in my head. Pathetic, really.
Her eyes softened, and I watched her hand wrinkles dance as she gave mine a gentle squeeze.
“Of course, my dear. Whatever feels right to you.” She quickly changed the subject, her gaze flickering to my earrings. “Well, those are some cheerful earrings. I love them!”
I chuckled, touching my earlobe, reminded of my choice. They were made of little sparkling red and blue stones shaped like Captain America’s shield.
“I’m taking the afternoon off to bring Liam to a Comic Convention.”
She raised a brow.
“That sounds fun! But do you think you two can handle the noise, the lights, and all those people?” She knew me toowell and knew big crowds and loud places set me on edge. And she’d been right about Liam too, as he seemed to have inherited my sensitivity.
“Yeah, we’ve talked about it, and he insists on going, so… I’m taking my earplugs and Carol for backup,” I said, laughing.
“Oh yes, your sister… She’s such a big help with the kids. I’m so proud of the two of you.” Nana quickly busied herself, straightening a few papers on my desk, but her tone felt suspiciously sad.
My sister had moved in with me after the divorce, leaving behind her modern studio downtown and the buzzing life she loved. She claimed it was to help me with the kids, but I knew her real reason. She understood how things could get when I was left alone with my thoughts for too long. Carol didn’t want to just lend a hand; she wanted to keep an eye on me and offer a safety net I might not admit I needed.
I slid back into my chair and turned back to my laptop.
“I really need to get back to work, Nana…” I said with an apologetic smile.
“Of course, of course,” she said, waving her hand lightly as she picked up one of the magazines on the corner of my desk. “I’ll sit here quietly and catch up on some celebrity gossip. I promise, not a peep from me.”
I nearly laughed. I was sure she couldn’t name a single current celebrity, but I played along, nodding to let her know she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted. The screen’s glow reflected on my face as I began typing, slipping back into work mode.
Nana stayed seated across from me, and it reminded me of those quiet afternoons from my childhood when I’d sit at her kitchen table with my homework, stealing glances as she read by my side.
I let myself pretend I was there, back to easier times.
4
THE DREAM
Jules stood in a small room while the buzzing of the backstage continued beyond the door. Behind her, the small TV played the show’s opening monologue with the host cracking jokes. She caught glimpses of it in the mirror in front of her. The jokes weren’t that funny to her. Maybe it washim. The host she used to love as a teen but now, in person, gave off the worst vibes.
The soft glow from the vanity lights illuminated her as a hairdresser finished adjusting her hair. Now and then, the muffled sounds of the live audience and crew filled the space, making her heart race. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.
It was just a late-night interview. Nothing she hadn’t handled before.
Her eyes locked into her own reflection as she repeated the mantra in her head:It’s okay, it’s okay…She barely even noticed when Chris arrived. When she finally did, his comforting smile was the first thing she saw, and her head was instantly quieter.
He closed the door behind him, lingering for a second,looking at her with a small smile at the corner of his lips. The longer he stared, the warmer her cheeks got, so he moved towards her.
“Hey, Blaze,” he greeted, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Jules smiled against his lips. “You’re going to do great. Don’t worry.” He needed no words to know how tense his wife was.
She let out a small, frustrated sigh.
“I hate live shows.” She confessed. The unpredictable nature of live television always unnerved her, no matter how many times she did it.
“I know,” he replied as his fingers traced over her still slightly warm cheeks. “But you’re always great. People love how funny you are at these things.”
Jules gave him a skeptical look. Without him as her constant cheerleader, she wasn’t sure she’d have reached this point in her career. From the first project they worked on—the one where they met— he’d put her on a pedestal. Always the first to remind her how good she was, how capable, howbrilliant. He’d given her the confidence no one else ever had.
She'd started out writing and acting in that project, but with his support, she didn't let herself be boxed in. She wanted to do a lot, and she sure did. Before long, she was playing major roles both behind and in front of the camera.
It was the first relationship she’s ever been in where her partner didn’t try to dim her bright light or quiet herloudpersonality. On the contrary, he loved it. He embraced every bit of her fire, her chaos, her too-muchness. He encouraged her to be more, to be louder, to take up space. With him, she never felt like she had to shrink herself to fit someone else’s comfort.
