“You’rescared, Iyana, and that’s okay.We’re all a little scared.This is new for everyone.But how about a little personal accountability, huh?Youcalled out to the stars for help.Yourmagic allowed Altair to fall.Youfell in love with him and trusted him blindly, even when I was telling you not to!”
Hurt barreled through him, and Emmeric realized he’d taken it too far.
“Iyana.Mouse…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re right,” she whispered.“I did this.None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for me.If I’d made different choices.”
Emmeric approached her slowly and tilted her chin until she was looking at his face.“I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have said that.We can’t be attacking each other—not right now, when we need to be unified.All of this is because of Uther.I’m so sorry, Iyana.”
“It’s okay.”A tear rolled down her cheek, and Emmeric wanted to either throw himself out the window or fall at her feet to beg for forgiveness.He wiped the tear away with his thumb.
“It’s not okay.I need you to know I’m with you.To the ends of the earth.Through the nine hells and back, if that’s what it takes.”
Iyana stared at him, her caramel-colored eyes shining with unshed tears.Multiple emotions flitted through her so quickly, Emmeric couldn’t fully understand one before another took its place.
Then her hands were gripping his tunic and pulling him towards her, and before Emmeric realized what was happening, Iyana’s lips were on his.She kissed him fiercely, and Emmeric hauled her into his body, kissing her back without hesitation.
Gods, her lips were so full and soft—just like he’d always dreamed they would be.Emmeric wound her long hair around his fist and tugged her backwards ever so slightly, giving him a better angle.She moaned into his mouth, and he swallowed the sound with his tongue.
Iyana abruptly broke away from him, breathless.His tunic was still clenched in her hands; her silky hair was in his fist.Emmeric had waited so long for this moment.So fucking long.
“Fuck me,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Please, Em.Please fuck me.I need to forget.I need a distraction right now from the mess my life has become.”
Her words were like ice water dumped over his head.Emmeric gently untangled his hand from her hair and took a small step back.Clearing his throat, he took her hands and removed them from his shirt.Iyana’s brows furrowed in confusion.Gods, this was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.He shook his head.
“I can’t.”Phaedros take me, did I really just say that?
“What do you mean, youcan’t?”
Hurt.He was hurting her.That was the last thing Emmeric ever wanted to do.
“Please, Iyana,” he rasped.“I want nothing more than to fuck you into such a stupor that the only word you remember is my name.I want to replace all ofhistouches with my own until you forget what he felt like.But you don’t wantme, you only want the convenience I provide.So, no Iyana, I won’t fuck you.Not until you want all of me.”
“I thought you said you’d always be there for me,” she said, her voice beginning to raise in volume.Her face was pinched with anger.
“I will be, Mouse.Just not in that way.Not yet.”
Iyana’s eyes shuttered, and she threw up her walls, blocking him from the bond.The place she typically resided was suddenly empty, and Emmeric had to force himself not to rub his chest at the loss.He hated it when she did this.
“Mouse…”
“No, Emmeric,” she cut in tersely.“I get it.Goodnight.”
Iyana marched into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her.Emmeric watched her go, then flopped onto the couch, covering his face with his hands.He wanted to shout or punch something.He wanted to go in there and tell her he took it all back, that he loved her, and then fuck her into oblivion.
Sitting up, he reached for the small piece of wood and his knife to continue whittling his current project.Emmeric was attempting to carve a small sprig of lavender for Iyana—both because it reminded him of her scent, and because she used it in a lot of her remedies.The rounded portion of the flower was difficult to carve, and he hoped she’d appreciate the gesture once he was done, but he relished the challenge, regardless.
He would work on this project to keep his hands and his mind occupied until Iyana fell asleep—her wall always collapsed while she slept—and then he’d slip into bed with her to keep the nightmares at bay.It was the same thing he’d been doing since they had been in Nyr.There were times he would wish that Iyana would simply recognize her feelings for him, and they could be together.He wouldn’t have to go through this whole charade of sleeping in separate rooms when they both wanted to be in the other’s arms.
It made him hate Altair all that much more.If Emmeric ever saw the star again, he would do everything in his power to make sure he killed him.There was no universe in which he would allow anyone to hurt Iyana again.
Iyana’s block on their bond slowly unraveled, and Emmeric knew she was asleep.He put his carving away, washed the thin film of sweat—which always seemed to be present in this jungle—off his body, then slipped into bed.Iyana rolled over and snuggled in to his side.His lips curled into a small smile.She always did this, even when she was dead to the world; her body sought him out when he was next to her.
It wasn’t enough.But, for now, he would take any breadcrumbs she was willing to give.Emmeric tightened his grip around Iyana’s waist, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.
