During a meager dinner, Iyana finally confirmed their plan to travel to the library. Uther was on a quest to conquer all of Arinem, and they were out to stop him. Unfortunately, his father’s plans weren’t surprising, given all the outposts he’d been setting up recently. Zane had never even thought to question his father’s orders and instead followed them blindly. Altair mentioned the stars had been tracking his movements, but occasionally darkness would surround Uther, obscuring his scheming from their view. Zane told them what he’d overheard in the dungeonsabout a ritual, and how he suspected that Uther was planning on murdering him. Altair withdrew, contemplating this information. He said he had an idea of what Uther might be planning, but he wouldn’t be able to confirm it until they were at the library.
After the heavy conversation, everyone spread their bedrolls out surrounding the fire, except for Kaz, who shifted into her leopard form and curled into a circle. Having a fur pelt sounded amazing; she appeared exceptionally warm. If Zane was a shifter, he’d probably stay in his animal form constantly. Talon sat next to where Zane was lying awake staring up at the stars, wondering if they were all people. There had to be millions of them.
“Can I interest you in cuddling for warmth, Your Highness?” Tal’s blue eyes glinted with mischief in the firelight. Zane’s vision darted to the others in their party to see if they had heard, but found them all asleep.
“You know they wouldn’t care,” Talon said, softly, an edge of hurt in his voice. Zane felt terrible. The last thing he wanted was for Talon to think he was ashamed to be seen with him. His own personal demons shouldn’t affect others.
“Talon, I’m sorry,” Zane said, pulling himself into a sitting position. He sat next to Tal, hugging his knees to his chest, but his side pressed into the other man’s warm body. His insides lurched at what he was going to say next. He couldn’t look Talon in the eye, but it needed to be said. “I like you. I do. A lot. Last night…I want it to mean something, but my father—”
“Zane,” Talon said, laying a gentle hand on his face, guiding his head to face him. “I pledged ten years ago to protect you, to give my life for yours, and my vow still holds. If anything, I will protect you more fiercely than before, and that includes against your father. No matter the repercussions.”
“I would never ask you to put your life on the line for me.”
“You wouldn’t ever have to ask. I’d do it, regardless. I’ve always hated bullies.” He paused, then smiled wistfully. “Emmeric has always been more reserved. When we were ten, a brute of a kid at school honed in on Em and wouldn’t stop messing with him—stealing his food, pushing him down. Even took some of his money once. It was terrible watching my best friend go through this without standing up for himself. He didn’t think he could.”
“So, what did you do?”
“The next time he shoved Em I walked up and punched him right in the nose. He never bothered Emmeric again,andhe did my homework for the rest of the year. I didn’t even ask him to—he offered. Suffice to say, I don’t care if it’s the emperor who is tearing you down. I’ll fight against them all.”
Zane placed his hand over Talon’s, leaning his cheek into the touch, and took a deep breath.
“I’ve never told anyone this before,” he admitted, voice shaking with nerves. Talon tucked him into his side. Zane laid his head on Tal’s comforting shoulder. Talon rubbed his arm encouragingly.
“You can tell me anything,” he whispered. Zane took a deep breath.
“When I was sixteen, I met a man—Jax.” Zane smiled to himself at the memory. “We hit it off instantly. He was eighteen and had started that year as one of the castle guards. During a ball my father threw for the elite, I was trying to escape the tediousness those types of celebration bring. I had gone out to the balcony, and he was stationed there for the evening. It was only us two, nobody else daring to brave the cold night, and I didn’t have many friends, so when he struck up a conversation—which many were too scared to do—I ended up staying out there until well after the party had finished.
“I started finding reasons to bump into him throughout the castle and ask him to accompany me on some inane errand. At this point, I hadn’t quite admitted to myself that I found men attractive. But I knew I likedthisman, and I wanted him around. After a couple of weeks he kissed me, and I was his. Completely. My father had already been pushing girls and threatening betrothals, but Jax was separate from that world. He was mine. My escape from the terror my father heaped upon me each day. There was a secret passage into my room, in case of a castle breech, and he would sneak in almost every night. We spent our nights in each other’s arms, talking, planning our future. I was ready to run away with him. Abdicate my position as heir and follow him to some small town where we could spend the rest of our lives together. I loved him.”
“What happened?” Talon prompted gently when Zane had been silent for a few moments. Zane took another deep breath to steady his nerves.
“After Jax and I had been together for a year, we had everything planned for our escape. But somehow we were sloppy. Not quiet enough, or not hiding ouraffection in public well. Because my father discovered our relationship. He burst into my quarters one night while we were sleeping, curled together in my bed. Uther dragged Jax out of bed and before I knew it, he was kneeling on the ground with a knife at his throat. I begged. I pleaded with my father to let him go. I promised I would do anything he asked of me if he let Jax live. I promised I would never see him again—fire him, exile him. Anything other than killing him. While it would have broken my heart, at least Jax would be alive. I could have continued with the escape plan on my own, meeting him somewhere.” Zane’s chest constricted.
“But Uther said I was an abomination, and what Jax and I had was ‘unnatural.’ I remember—” Tears flowed down his face freely now. He cleared his throat in an effort to continue. “I remember Jax staring at me, love written on his face. No fear at all. Telling me it was okay, I would be okay. My father told me if he let Jax live, I wouldn’t learn my lesson. And he slit his throat, right there in front of me. Then he left and locked me in my room, forcing me to spend the rest of the night with my lover dead on the floor. Which is why I have women in my room so often…for Uther to know I’m not with another man.” Zane’s breath hitched, and he sobbed silently into Talon’s shoulder. Tal held him close, letting him cry.
“I killed him,” Zane whispered.
“No, Zane, no you didn’t. You can’t think like that.”
“He died because of me. If I hadn’t sought him out, or didn’t start a relationship with him…if we had run sooner, he’d still be alive. I didn’t evendoanything. I stood there, frozen, and didn’t even take a step forward to try to stop my father. What does that make me?”
“You were seventeen, Zane. You were still a kid. There was nothing you could have done.”
“He was only nineteen. He didn’t deserve to die.”
“No, he didn’t. I’m so sorry.” Zane continued to cry, and Talon continued to hold him. He hadn’t realized how much trauma was still lingering from ten years before. Saying it all aloud for the first time was a cathartic release. Zane clutched Talon’s shirt.
“Please don’t leave me.”
Talon held him tighter, placing a lingering kiss on the top of his head. “I won’t ever leave you. I’m yours, Zane.” Tal’s fingers tangled in Zane’s hair, pulling his headback so he could see the truth in his eyes. “I’m yours. Forever, if you’ll have me. I won’t leave you.”
Zane closed the distance between them, kissing Talon with an earnestness he hadn’t possessed in a decade. He put his own promise into the kiss.I’m yours. I’m yours. I’m yours.
Chapter 37
Iyana
“Absolutely not.”
