"Why?"
He shrugs. "It was the right thing to do. She wanted more than I can offer her."
"Because of the will?"
He shakes his head. "Because of me."
He doesn't elaborate and I don't ask.
"You think you'll see Brennan again?" he flips the tables on me, pointing the topic my way. "He's single, you know. Was engaged a couple years back but they broke it off before sealing the deal. No one really knows why, but he's been working out on Kitterman's ranch ever since. Last I heard, he was their head trainer and barn manager." He peers past me toward the kitchen door as if looking out to the backyard and the barn and pastures beyond it. "A man like that would make a good husband foryou out here."
I scowl. "A good husband? I wasn’t aware I needed one of those. Are they required now in Cedar Hill and no one told me?"
"That's not what I'm saying," he groans, running his free hand over his face. "Fuck. Forget I said any of it. You brought up relationships, and it made me wonder...whatever, it doesn't matter."
"Made you wonder what? If there'll be room for you to have a love life in this arrangement?" I fall back against the counter, suddenly wanting as much distance between us as possible.
Wrapping both arms across my chest, I say, "You're the one who decided to dump your girlfriend. I never told you to do that. If you want to go on hooking up and going out, be my guest. But don't bring your conquests around here. The kids have had enough upheaval in their lives. They need security. Consistency."
"Fine by me," he snaps. "I assume you'll be applying that same rule to yourself?"
I scoff. "Contrary to you, dating isn't even on my radar at the present."
"Oh, please. I saw the way Brennan was looking at you today. If you think that's the last you've seen of him now that he knows you're back in town, you're out of your mind."
I inhale sharply, about to go another round when I catch myself. "Is this what you wanted to talk about tonight? Why you called our first meeting? Because you want to know if I plan to see Brennan again?"
He blinks, as if startled by the question. His head drops, shaking softly. "Fuck. No." When he lifts his gaze to meet mine again, the earnest care in his eyes pierces something inside my chest. "Unless that's what had you coming undone in the parking lot, then sure, let's talk it out. But otherwise, let's get to the root of what set your anxiety off while we were out today. And don't say it wasnothing. Like it or not, I've known you too long to buy into that bullshit."
Swallowing, I unhook my arms, resting my palms on the counter behind me instead. It feels an awful lot like laying down my guard, stripping off my armor, but maybe that's the only way this will work. Maybe Jovi even deserves it.
"It was the money," I admit quietly. "It suddenly hit me that despite everything I'm willing to do for the kids, I may fail in the end if I can't figure out a way to provide for them financially."
"That's why I'm here, Liz," he reminds me. "The horse business is supposed to do that."
"Yeah, but not right away. My photography business does well, but supporting one person is nothing like supporting three. The expenses of a cozy two-bedroom apartment versus what it will cost to keep up this house? Then there's the cost of the kids’ private school. Trent and Lena could afford to pay to ensure they get the best education, but can I? And can I add to it when it's time for Gavin to switch from half-day PreK to a full day of kindergarten? And then there's my fucking car. I'm not an idiot, I know you're right. I know it's not safe for the kids, but it's paid for. And I can't afford to add a car payment on top of everything else."
Jovi sets his cup of coffee down on the kitchen island and walks toward me, closing the distance between us. Then, in an uncharacteristic move, he places his palms on my shoulders, running them down the sides of my arms. More uncharacteristic than that, I let him. And it actually comforts me when I thought for sure having him touch me would give me the ick.
"One thing at a time, Liz," he says slowly. "We already settled the car issue. You'll drive the truck for now."
I frown. "I can't take over your truck. What will you drive?"
"My family keeps an old Ford around. Everyone learns to drive in it. It's solid. Paid for. And runs fine."
"So, let me drive that." I don't know why, but I feel like I should be the one making do with the old truck.
He shakes his head. "There's no back seat. Besides, if I'm going to be hauling hay and feed and such, I'd rather be doing it in that bed than the shiny new one on my truck." He offers me a small grin, but I call bullshit on that excuse. At the core of who he is, is this life. Horses. He wouldn't drive a truck he wasn't willing to put to use.
"Fine," I concede, seeing no way around the no back seat argument. "I'll drive your truck. For now. And I'll work toward trading in my car for something more stable." After I bump my income up enough to account for a car payment and higher car insurance.
"You're worried about their education?" he moves his way back through my list of concerns. "Don't. Trent and Lena weren't paying for it. I was, and I plan to continue."
If he keeps saying shit like this, I'm going to have a permanent crinkle in my forehead. "Why would you pay for their school?"
He shrugs. "You might be their legal guardian, but I was their godparent too. Education is something I wanted to provide for them. Same as I've done for my siblings. It's not a big deal. It's just something I knew I could offer that was worth something, so I set up the funds. No matter what happens here with the business, that money is already set aside. You don't have to worry about it."
The crinkle deepens. So many things to unpack here. Jovi has put all of his siblings through school? And he thinks it's not a big fucking deal to do the same for his friends' kids? Is he talking collegeas well? And I may happily talk shit about him until the sky turns purple, but I never thought he believed so little of himself to downplay something so monumental.
