Idon’t know what prompted me to suggest a diner specializing in breakfast bread for dinner. Maybe it was the prospect of eating Tammy’s tuna casserole that pushed me over the edge. Maybe it was the idea of walking back into that house, making dinner and taking that first step toward something we’re destined to fail at. Becoming a family.
Either way, here we are, all seated around a corner booth, Gavin beside me and Remmi beside Jovi across from us.
“Can I have a strawberry shake, please?” Remmi orders when our server shows up.
“If it’s alright with your mom, it’s alright with me,” the woman says, smiling at me, pen hovering over her pad as she waits for my sign of approval.
Maybe this is worse than eating at home would have been. “I think we’re all having milk shakes tonight.” I force a silly face and take it in turns looking at Gavin and Remmi. Gavin breaks into a giggle instantly, but Remmi is harder to sell. I think she just realized the same thing I did. Strangers will be assuming I’m her mother from now on. It’ll be like Lena never existed.
“I’ll have a cookies and cream shake,” I tell the server. Lena’s favorite. I’ll be damned if she disappears on my watch. “Gavin, what kind do you want?”
He’s still laughing to himself when he answers, “Chocolate.”
“And you?” I look at Jovi suddenly not at all sure if he’ll see the importance of ordering milkshakes as a united front.
“Vanilla.” He smirks. He gets it. Vanilla was Trent’s go-to order.
Our server takes another second to finish jotting things down before she zips off, leaving us to peruse the menu. Well, I’m perusing the menu. Given their frequent visits, everyone else is deeply familiar with it.
“Cinnamon and Sugar biscuits used to be on the menu,” Remmi informs me while I scan the first page. “They took them off because people would order more biscuits than cinnamon rolls, and the cinnamon rolls are super good too and so that was just sad,” she pauses to help Gavin open one of the packets of crayons that came with their kids’ menus. “Most people don’t know, but you can still order the cinnamon and sugar biscuits and they’ll make them special.”
“Is that what you’re having?” I ask, waiting for her to answer before I move on to the next page.
“No.” She shakes her head, her voice quiet when she goes on, “Mommy only lets us order those for special occasions. Because they’re more like dessert than breakfast.” She looks up at me. “But I thought maybe you’d like them. Since you’ve never had them and you wouldn’t know about them because they’re not on the menu anymore.”
I swallow. And then I swallow again before I trust myself to speak. “They do sound delicious.” I’m tempted to announce we’reall having them to go with our shakes, but the burning desire to not fuck up Lena’s kids stops me from going rogue in the name of avoidance and escapism. “How about we order one serving to share after dinner. For a real dessert.”
Remmi smiles. “That’s a good idea.”
From here, things start to find their own rhythm. Everyone orders a proper breakfast for supper, and we settle into quiet chitchat that isn’t too unlike the conversations we normally have. Even the forced but cordial exchanges with Jovi are familiar. The only thing strikingly different remains in the absence of those who brought us together.
It’s not until we’re driving home that the conversation stalls out again. Not a single word is uttered as we’re pulling back into the driveway.
Until.
“Shit,” I hiss at the sight of a small-framed woman standing in the light of the porch lamp, arms crossed and impatiently tapping the sole of her high heel shoe on the wooden planks underfoot. “We forgot Holly.”
“Did we?” Jovi smirks. “I thought that was intentional.”
I glare at him, but for the sake of the kids, I hold in the words I'm eager to pelt at him. Instead, I turn over my shoulder to face the backseat. “Who’s getting in the bath first?”
Remmi is quick to point at her brother. Gavin returns the gesture at a delay, clearly thinking he’s still dodged the bullet.
“Gavin, I think you’re it.”
He turns out his bottom lip. “I don’t wanna be it.”
“Why not?” Jovi parks the truck, glancing at Gavin through the rearview mirror. “Going first is always best. You get to have allthe hot water. Then, you get first dibs on picking a snack before bed. And, you’re first in line for story time.”
Gavin thinks it over for a second. “Can I pick two books?”
I laugh. “Yeah, bud. You can pick two. Maybe three if you get really clean, really fast.”
This seems to seal the deal for him because he’s suddenly in a hurry to get unbuckled and out of the truck.
Having to face Holly once I’m out, I’m a little less eager but I hide my lack of enthusiasm and get moving along with everyone else.
“You left me.”
