“Of course, I do!” I shoot straight up until I’m standing. Then I drop back down in defeat when I realize stomping from the room is not an option. There's no escape from this. Nowhere to run and hide. “But I make sucky mom material. Trust me. I had my shot at it with Lena after our mother left. She would not put her children through the travesty that is my parenting ability.” I take a deepbreath. Everything inside me hurts as the air moves through. Grief sucks.
“You fought Trent’s parents on them taking Gavin and Remmi to the funeral.”
Wonderful. We’re moving on to other things I’ve been screwing up. “Look, I get that you probably think it was wrong and that the kids will grow up to resent me for depriving them of a final goodbye, but—”
“I don’t think it was wrong,” he interrupts.
“What?”
“I think you were right to fight them. It’s the last thing either Trent or Lena would have wanted,” he says, his tone quiet but firm. “You made the choice they would have made if they’d been here to make it.”
I don’t know how to respond. Even if I had words, I’m not sure I’d manage to say them out loud.
“That’s why they chose you,” he goes on when I stay silent. “Because ultimately, when it’s important, you’ll make the same choices they would. Liz, the kids are never going to have their old lives back. But you can give them something that’s as near to normal as they’re going to have. No one else is ever going to get close to loving them the way their parents did. Except you. You love the way Lena loved. And Lena loved the way she did because you taught her.”
JOVI
It’s strange seeing her like this. Liz scattered. In pieces. I’m not sure what I was expecting. I guess the same uptight control freak I’ve known her to be for the last fourteen years.
At fifteen it was easy to dislike her. She was bossy and boring and never cracked so much as a smile at our jokes. Even then, she seemed ancient, always complaining we were too loud and too messy, and she was only a year older than me.
Never seemed to matter much that we all grew up eventually, Liz was always the oldest, and according to Liz, she always knew best.
“When did they tell you?” she asks, voice scarcely above a whisper as her hazel eyes dart around the room, landing everywhere but on me.
“A year after Remmi was born.” I shrug. “I guess Trent didn’t want me to wonder why they didn’t pick me.”
She scoffs. And instantly looks guilty. “Sorry.” She sits up straighter, then slouches back into herself a second later. Her long black hair, usually wild and wavy, sits limp along her shoulders and back. And the sight... is just plain wrong. “The truth is we’re both shit choices.”
“Well, try not to open with that when you tell Trent’s parents that they ranked lower than us. Or you, anyway.”
She makes a face, then appears to have a thought. “Right. Why are you here again?”
“Honestly?” I shake my head. I’ve been struggling with this same question myself. “I don’t know.” Other than how it pertained to the kids, Trent and I never talked about any sort of scenario in which he died before me.
In a million years, I never would have imagined our lives playing out this way, with him and Lena out of the game already when we were all barely getting into it.
Before either Liz or I can start offering guesses as to my purpose at this meeting, there’s a knock at the door.
“That must be him.” Liz looks like she might throw up.
“I’ll get it.” She doesn't argue. Only because I’m closest to the door.
There’s a second knock right as I reach for the handle and pull. “Mister Gallagher?” I’ve heard his name mentioned every so often over the years because he handled all of Trent’s business contracts. Still, it’s the first time I’m meeting him, and somehow, he’s not at all what I expected. Starting with the fact he’s not a Mister.
“Oh, shit. Sorry.” I really should have opened the door before I started talking.
She smiles, waving off my apology. “You’d be surprised how often that happens.”
Her first name is Ryan. I’m not sure I would be that surprised. “Please, come in.” I step aside and gesture for her to enter, eager to get past this awkward mistake as quickly as possible. “Liz Penny is already here.”
“Wonderful.” She nods, moving around me.
She’s just turned the corner to the living room when I hear it. “You’reRyan Gallagher?”
I smirk. It’s always refreshing to find Liz isn’t so perfect either.
I take my time closing the door, allowing for their introductions to run their course before I join them again.
