Ruby didn't react to my nakedness, didn't seem to register it at all. She stood there, arms at her sides, tears still falling, as though being naked together was the most natural thing in the world. As though we'd done this a thousand times before.
I guided her under the spray, stepping in behind her. The water ran red at first, swirling down the drain in pink spirals. I grabbed the soap and began washing her gently. Her arms first, working the lather over her skin in slow circles, then her shoulders, her back. She didn't move, didn't speak. Just cried silently while I cleaned Craig's blood from her skin, watching it disappear down the drain.
"He was a good man," she finally whispered, voice raw and broken. "He didn't deserve this."
"No," I agreed quietly, washing her hair with careful fingers, massaging her scalp gently. "He didn't."
When we were both clean, I turned off the water and wrapped her in a towel, then grabbed one for myself. I dried her off like she was something precious and fragile—which, in thatmoment, in every moment, she was. I patted her skin carefully, squeezed the water from her hair, taking my time to make sure every inch of her perfect skin was buffed dry.
In the bedroom, I found a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on, then retrieved the fluffy white robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I wrapped Ruby in it, tying the belt securely around her waist.
That's when I noticed the tray on the small coffee table—covered dishes, still warm. Mei must have slipped in while we were in the shower. The woman had impeccable timing and a kind heart.
I guided Ruby to the sofa and sat down, then pulled her onto my lap. She came willingly, curling against my chest like a child seeking comfort. I reached for the tray, pulling it closer. It held soup, bread, cheese, and slices of fruit.
"You need to eat something," I said gently, uncovering a bowl of soup that steamed in the cool air.
"I'm not hungry."
"I know. But you need to eat anyway." I lifted a spoonful of liquid to her lips, blowing gently to cool it. "For me."
She opened her mouth reluctantly, and I fed her slowly, one spoonful at a time. She was still crying, tears sliding down her cheeks and dripping off her chin, but she let me feed her. The soup, some bread, and a few bites of fruit. Not much, but enough.
When she'd eaten what she could, I set the tray aside and just held her. Her tears hadn't stopped. They soaked into my bare chest, warm and endless, and each one felt like a knife twisting in my gut.
I had to ask. I didn't want to, but I had to know.
"Ruby," I said quietly, stroking her damp hair. "Did you... did you love Craig?"
She stiffened in my arms, and for a long moment didn't answer. Then she shook her head against my chest. "As a friend," she whispered, her voice raw. "I loved him as a friend. He was good to me. Kind. Patient with Teddy. I knew he had feelings for me, but I..." She drew in a shuddering breath. "I could never return them. Not the way he wanted."
"Why not?" The question came out rough, afraid of the answer.
She pulled back just enough to look up at me, her eyes red and swollen, ringed with exhaustion. "Because of you."
My heart stopped.
"It's been hard to have feelings for anyone because of you," she continued, fresh tears spilling over. "In my memory, you were this larger-than-life hero. I knew it was a fantasy, that I'd built you up into something that couldn't possibly be real. But I couldn't help it. You saved me. You were gentle when you could have been rough. You protected me when you didn't have to. And now..." She touched my face with trembling fingers, tracing the line of my jaw. "Now that you've shown up in the flesh, you're as wonderful as I imagined. Maybe more."
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I could do was stare at her, this woman who'd haunted me for years, who was confessing that she'd been haunted by me too.
"Ruby," I said, voice breaking. "What happened between us on that planet... I did it so you wouldn't die. But I need you to know something." I cupped her face in my hands, making sure she was looking at me. "I never forgot you. Never. I dreamed about finding you again. Every damn day for years, I wondered where you were, if you were safe, if you were happy. If you remembered me at all."
"Cristox—"
"I'm not done." I brushed my thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away tears that just kept coming. "You weren't just amission to me. You were never just some human I had to save. You were... you are..."
I couldn't find the words. So I kissed her instead.
Her lips were soft and salty with tears, and for one perfect moment, she kissed me back. Her mouth opened under mine, welcoming me, and I tasted her grief and her need all mixed together. Then reality crashed down on me like a cargo container.
I pulled back, my hands still cradling her face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—you just lost Craig, you're grieving, and I'm taking advantage—"
"No." Ruby's hands fisted in the waistband of my sweatpants. "No, Cristox. I want this. I want you."
"Ruby, you're upset. You need comfort, not—"
"I need to forget." Her voice cracked, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "Just for a little while, I need to forget. I need to feel something besides this... this awful..." She looked up at me with those green-flecked eyes, desperate and pleading. "Please. Make me feel alive."
