Five years.
The math slammed into me like a freight train. Five years ago. Right around the time he'd rescued me.
Oh God.
"Ruby?" Mei's hand was on my arm, steadying me as the world spun. "What is it?"
"He was taken because of me." The words scraped out of my throat. "He got me out, and they caught him. They put him in the pits because he saved me."
The guilt clawed up my chest, squeezing my lungs. All this time, I'd never known his name, but I'd mourned him. I'd lit candles in the darkness and whispered thanks to a ghost. And he'd been suffering. Fighting for his life in those brutal arenaswhile I raised our son in safety and sunshine. A son I thought would never know his father.
The first sob tore out of me before I could stop it. Then another. And another. And suddenly I was crumpling. Mei caught me, her arms wrapping around me as I shattered.
"I didn't know," I choked out between sobs. My face pressed against her shoulder, tears soaking into her shirt. "I didn't know. All this time, I thought… I thought he was dead. I thought he'd died getting me to safety. But he was there, he was fighting, he was suffering, and I..."
"Shh," Mei murmured, stroking my hair. "It's okay. Let it out."
But it wasn't okay. Nothing about this was okay. My body shook with the force of all the years of grief and guilt and fear pouring out all at once. Mei held me through it, steady and solid.
"He saved me," I gasped, my voice ragged and broken. "He gave me everything. He gave me Teddy. And I—I didn't even know his name."
"You didn't know," Mei said firmly, gripping my shoulders. "Ruby, you didn't know. You can't blame yourself for something you had no way of knowing."
I shook my head, tears still streaming down my face, hot and endless. "But he's been there. For years. While I've been safe, while I've been happy, he's been…"
My voice broke again, splintering into a thousand jagged pieces, and Mei pulled me back against her, letting me cry until I had nothing left. Until I was empty and hollow and wrung out.
"Ruby, listen to me." Mei's voice was fierce. "Everything I've heard about him, from the crew, from people who know him—he's a good male. Whatever happened, whatever he went through, he's still that male. The one who saved you."
I wanted to believe her. God, I wanted to believe her so badly.
"He's staying in my guest house," Mei said quietly. "You need to talk to him. I can ask him to wait for you there. Give you time to process this, to pull yourself together."
"Yes," I managed, my voice hoarse from crying. "Please. Ask him to wait." I swallowed hard. "And can you send Craig in? I need to talk to him."
Mei nodded, squeezing my arm once more before slipping out.
I sat there, trying to pull myself together. Trying to figure out what the hell I was going to say to the man whose heart I was about to break. But I knew it had to be said. Cristox's arrival had changed everything, even though a part of me was too terrified to admit it.
The door opened, and Craig stepped inside. His face was drawn with worry, his uniform slightly rumpled, and the sight of him—so good, so steady, so utterly wrong for me—made my heart ache with a different kind of pain.
"Ruby." He crossed to me in two strides, reaching for my hands, and I let him take them even though it felt like a lie. "Are you okay? What happened?"
The concern in his voice, the genuine care in his eyes, made me feel like absolute shit. Because I knew, deep down in the pit of my stomach, that I didn't feel the same way about him. I'd tried. God knows I'd tried. He was good and kind and steady, everything a woman should want. Everything that made sense.
But he wasn't Cristox.
My mouth opened, but for a moment, nothing came out. I could feel the weight of what I was about to say pressing down on my chest, making it hard to draw breath. Craig's hands were warm around mine, his thumbs tracing gentle circles over my knuckles, a gesture that should have been comforting but instead made guilt twist in my gut like a knife.
"Craig, I..." The words caught in my throat. I forced myself to take a shaky breath, to meet his eyes. "That male. His name is Cristox."
His brow furrowed, confusion flickering across his features. "I know. Do you know him?"
The question hung between us, so innocent, so unsuspecting. I watched his face, memorizing the moment before everything changed.
"He's Teddy's father."
The words dropped like stones into still water. I watched the ripples spread across Craig's expression—confusion first, his eyes widening as he processed what I said. Then understanding, dawning slowly and painfully. And finally, hurt, raw and unmistakable, flashing through his gaze before he carefully smoothed his features into something neutral.
