Eda gave her a knowing look, hearing the misery in her tone. “You always did expect too much, wench.”
“I know.”
Eda shook her head. “You should be thankful for what you have. You are alive, when he could have killed you and those you call friends. He sees to your needs. God’s mercy, he even protects you from other men! Half the wenches here will be tumbled by these lordlings tonight, but not you.”
“You do not have to tell me how fortunate I am.”
“Oh, ho.” Eda chuckled, knowing sarcasm when she heard it. “If you do not like the way ’tis, you can always look now for another man. I have eyes and have seen the way these lordlings look at you. Mayhap if you ask milord nicely, he will sell you when he weds.”
“Aye, mayhap I will.”
“What! Nay, wench, I was but jesting. You do that, and we will all suffer for the storm you will start.”
“You make no sense, Eda.”
“I tell you true, he will never sell you. You are not stupid,” Eda told her impatiently. “You know that what you do has a direct effect on him.”
“Not so,” Kristen retorted.
“Oh? And that week when naught pleased him, that week you sent him away from your room—what would you call that, wench? Everyone here knew you were the cause of his black mood, though only I knew why.” Eda chuckled again. “But as soon as he had you in his bed, his humor returned.”
Kristen looked down and away, feeling heat stain her cheeks. “So he wants me now. ’Twill not last.”
“That man will want you always, wench. I see it in the way he deals with you. I could tell you other things that would convince you, but I do not want to fill your head with more vain ideas. Nay, he will never sell you, or let you have another. But he will marry his lady.”
Kristen stiffened. “Then why do you tell me all this, old woman?”
“Because he will keep you too. Because I do not like to see you so miserable. Because you must begin to accept what you have and cease to reach higher. If you are not happy, then he will be unhappy too, and that affects us all.”
“Enough, Eda. I do not believe I wield such power over him. If I did—”
“If you did, what? Aye, I know. You will ignore all I have said. You still reach too high, wench.”
“Nay, I understand you well. What you do not understand is that I can never accept things the way they are. My mother was made a slave once, captured same as I. She was the daughter of a great lord in her own land and full of pride. She would never admit that she was a slave to the man who owned her, nor to herself. I am not quite so stubborn. I know my position as ’tis now. Yet I am my mother’s daughter. I cannot remain a slave, Eda.”
“You have no choice.”
Kristen looked away, out over the hall, which was dark now except for a few remaining torches. While she had sat there with her dejected thoughts, nearly everyone had retired. Pallets were spread everywhere, for not only Royce’s retainers and servants slept here, but those of the guests as well. She had not seen Royce leave, or his lady.
“Does she stay the night?” Kristen asked Eda.
The old woman grunted, knowing exactly whom she meant. “Aye, they would not ride home in the dark. And I have talked enough to have my words fall on deaf ears. Come, you sleep with me tonight.”
A new rush of pain filled Kristen, but she hid behind a stoical expression. “She sleeps with him, then?”
“For shame, such thoughts!” Eda scolded. “You know we have only the six chambers above. The ladies have been put with Lady Darrelle and Meghan. Lord Alden gave up his own room for the King and is crowded in with the lordlings who have the other two chambers.”
“Then why—”
“Shush,” Eda hissed. “Milord did not like it, but with Lord Averill and his son come today, he could no longer keep his own chamber to himself. There was just no more room above.”
Kristen pictured Royce sharing his bed with his future in-laws, and she almost smiled. But not quite.
Chapter Thirty
One torch sputtered out, leaving only the one by the stairs still burning. The noises in the hall were sporadic: loud and soft snoring, a cough, a few grunts and groans. Eda was one of those snoring softly.
She had led Kristen to the spot that was hers by the cold hearth, a coveted place, as it was cool in summer but warm in winter. There was no pallet for Kristen, all the extra ones already in use by the guests. A thin blanket and the hard floor made her bed, the discomfort of it helping to keep her awake. But she would not have fallen asleep tonight anyway.
