Nora can’t stay here and I can’t stay here without Nora.
But also…Idon’t want to stay here.
And maybe I don’t have to.
CHAPTER 35
THE SECOND I WAKE UPin the morning, I hop out of bed and throw my tangled hair into a messy bun. Then grab the shoe box out of the air duct and dig out our winning lottery ticket. I tuck it into my backpack as I head downstairs to carefully slip out the front door while my mom is watering plants on the back deck. I drive straight to the corner market just down the street.
You still at home?I text Ryan as I wait for the cashier to count out my seventeen dollars of winnings.
Just about to head out,he replies.
Can you leave your front door open? I’m on my way,I text back.
The cashier hands over the money and I head out the glass door, then slide into my car. I try my best to keep my speed somewhere close to the limit, but it’s almost impossible at this point. I finally throw my car into park when I arrive in Ryan’s driveway, then hurry in through the front door. Nora jumps slightly at the kitchen island, where she’s eating a bowl of Rice Krispies.
“Sorry,” I say, dragging my hand along her shoulders as I step behind her and sit up on one of the barstools.
She turns to face me and I’m surprised to see that the bruiseis all gone. “Your face. It’s…” When I look closer, I notice a layer of something covering it. It’s down on her jaw, too, where her mom was holding her.
“Ryan gave me some of his mom’s cover-up,” she says, her voice a little hoarse. “I know it still probably looks like shit and my eyes are all puffy—”
“Stop,” I tell her, planting a kiss on each one. “You look beautiful.”
“Liar,” she replies.
Both of us are quiet as I watch her eat spoonful after spoonful of cereal until all that’s left is almond milk.
“I thought maybe she’d call, but…” Nora shrugs and shakes her head.
“Would you really go back there even if she had?” I ask, surprised but trying not to sound insensitive.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” she replies.
“About that… I’ve got something for you,” I reply, reaching into my pocket and then holding out the small wad of cash.
“What’s that for?” she asks, furrowing her brow at me.
“Just take it. It’s for both of us.”
“Gee, thanks,” she says sarcastically as she slips it out of my fingers.
I lean forward as I watch her unfold it and fan out the bills, a ten, a five, and two ones. “I’ll try not to spend it all in one—” She stops, her eyes widening as she shuffles through the bills again… and again…
Finally, she looks up at me, and an uncontrollable grin covers my entire face as I watch her realize what I’m telling her.
“No. W-we can’t. You don’t even remember—” Her voice trails off.
“Look. I know I can’t remember our relationship. I don’t remember meeting you or going on our first date or our first kiss or our thousandth. I don’t remember anything from that time and I might not ever, but… Somehow, when I’m with you some deep-down part of me remembers and tells me that you’re right, that we are everything. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know how this is possible, but I don’t think I ever really stopped loving you, Nora.” I twist her barstool toward me, taking her face in my hands.
She rubs her cheek against my palm, and I can almost feel her holding her breath.
“I want to be with you now. For real. Out in the world, not hiding away in the woods, not hiding awayanywhereor from anyone. I want to drink coffee with you before I go to my classes at UCLA. I want to stay up too late watching whatever the hellDickinsonis. I want to make friends with people who are the same as us, and different, too. I want to do it all with you.”
I already see her eyes well up but I keep going.
“And who knows, maybe it won’t work out. Maybe I’ll hate your gross vegan cooking and you’ll hate that I never throw my dirty clothes into the hamper, but… we deserve a shot, Nora,” I tell her as both of us are smiling and crying and maybe thinking about all the things that could one day become mundane.
