“It’s not about you growing up. It’s about who you grew up into, and whether I remember it or not, I don’t think you guys have been my friends for a long time,” I say, pulling open the door to my Volvo. “Have fun at Jake’s,” I add before stepping inside.
I can see them out of my peripheral vision, standing in my side mirror, but I don’t look back. This is for the best. I should’ve done it a long time ago.
CHAPTER 33
AN HOUR LATER I LIEat the foot of Nora’s bed, watching her eat out of the Styrofoam container as she leans up against her headboard. A sly little grin spreads across her lips as she looks me up and down.
“What?” I ask, glancing down at my white button-down and black dress pants.
“I’m not going to lie. That look is kinda doing it for me.”
“Shut up.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“No, I’m serious. And it’s even hotter when you’re bringing me a plate of food like this.”
“Isn’t that a little sexist?” I ask.
“I don’t think so, because I’m a girl too. So I think I’m in the clear?” She shrugs, straightening her leg to slide her foot under my knee. “This issobomb,” she says before slurping down another forkful of spaghetti. “I never get to eat home-cooked meals like this.”
“Your mom never cooked for you growing up?” I ask as a big bolt of lightning strikes outside the window behind her.
“If she did, it was mostly cheeseburgers and… more cheeseburgers. There was one dish she’d make for us on special occasions, though. Stuffed peppers in this sweet tomato saucewith mashed potatoes.Man…It was so freaking good.” She rolls a meatball off to the side of the container. “But it’s been years since she’s made it. Hell, it’s been years since we’ve sat down to a meal together at all.”
I reach out to rub my hand up and down her shin, a few stubby leg hairs that she missed shaving poking at my palm. It breaks my heart when she talks about her mom, but it also makes me feel so thankful for the mom that I have. And even more confused why I was willing to throw her away.
“How long after we started dating did we hatch up the California plan?” I ask.
“We started dreaming about it right from the start, but we didn’t get serious until maybe five, six months later. Why?”
“I guess I just wondered what prompted us to actually do it?”
“Do you want any of this?” Nora asks as she holds the container out to me. I shake my head. I think I’m off spaghetti and meatballs for good now. She sets it on her side table and then crawls down to lie sideways across her bed next to me. “We figured out pretty quickly that we couldn’t sustain a long-term relationship here, in secret.” She shrugs, struggling for the right words. “I mean, at a certain point, this thing between us… It was just getting too big to hide.”
Somehow, after only dating her for a couple of weeks, I can already understand that feeling.
She brings her hand up and a soft smile spreads across my lips at the feeling of her fingers combing through my hair. I close my eyes and imagine that we’re somewhere else. Holding hands as we walk through the grassy park near Wyatt High.Kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel at the county fair. Or even just being seen together in public without constantly worrying about how people are reading us.
All things that could quite literally never happen.
All things I would give anything to be able to do.
I open my eyes just enough to see her staring back at me, her hand still brushing through my hair, sending a tingle down my body that doesn’t seem to fade. Reaching up, I take her hand and kiss each of her knuckles before holding it close to my heart.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I whisper so quiet that I don’t even know if she can hear. I wasn’t sure at first, but I know as soon as the words leave my lips how true they are.
Maybe I alreadyamin love with her.
Maybe I always have been, even when I didn’t remember it.
I peek up to find her pupils engulfing most of the hazel in her eyes.
“Did you hear me?” I ask, a nervous pulse thumping in my throat.
“I heard you,” she replies, her eyes shining.
Heavy raindrops pelt loudly against the roof over us.
I’m not sure which of us is leaning in, but I can feel her breath on my face and then I can feel my bottom lip grazing hers. She lets her mouth fall open a little and I press my lips into her. My body ignites, everything burning hotter than I’ve ever felt before. I kiss her harder each time we readjust. I kiss her so deep that our teeth hit, but still, it’s not enough.
