When she’s out of sight, I take in a deep breath and let it out, trying to get my head to stop swimming.
What the hell is going on with me? Why does this keep happening?
I lean my elbows on the cold steel table and rub the scar on my head, getting myself together before I have to go back out there. I just need to chill. And remember why I came here.
One more deep breath and then I head back out to run the register.
Neither of us says anything to the other for the next half hour or so, even when no one else is in the shop with us. The silence is deafening. I keep wanting to bring up Ryan, but after that weird moment… I don’t know how to start.
Just as I’m about to lose my mind, a middle-aged couple comes in and asks forthirty poundsof lean ground beef.
“It’ll just be a moment,” Nora tells them. “Stevie, you want to help me?” she asks me, and I follow her into the back room, avoiding making eye contact with that particular metal cart.
“Here.” She tosses a black pair of gloves at me and then disappears into the cooler. She emerges a minute later pushing a stack of hotel pans on a rolling cart.
“Okay, let’s split it into two bags,” she says, seeming completely normal. Okay. All right. Maybe it was just me.
She lifts up the lid to reveal more raw ground beef in one place than I’ve ever seen before, and I resist the urge to dry-heave as she opens up a large plastic bag over a metal scale.
I feel like I got the short end of the stick here.
“Ewww,” I groan, sinking my gloved hands into the vat of meat and dropping a hunk into the bag.
“Shhhh, they can hear you!” Nora says, nudging me. “It’s just meat.”
“Yeah, but there’s so much of it and it’s allsquishy,” I complain, twisting my face up as I go in for seconds.
“Just… talk to me about something, then. Don’t think about it.”
Well, I guess that’s my cue.
“So I hung out with Ryan again last night.”
“Oh. What did you guys do?” she asks, keeping her eyes on the scale as I add the last chunk to make about fifteen pounds. She ties it up and holds the other bag out.
“We went to Truck Night,” I say, embarrassed to admit it.
Nora snorts out a laugh. “Youwent to Truck Night?”
“Yeah, I know… it was a mistake. It was horrible.”
“Uh,yeah.It’s Truck Night. What did you expect?” she asks as I plop another hunk into her bag.
“It’s a long story. Anyway, we ended up leaving early and just went to the Dinor, where he works, and… well, that was definitely better. We at least got to talk, and—”
“That’s good. Come on,” Nora interrupts, tying up the second bag and swinging it into my chest with a light thud.
I check the couple out at the register and Nora kneels down to restock the T-bones in the display case, balancing the tray on her knee.
I watch the couple leave, the door squeaking shut behind them.
“So, do you like him?” she asks without looking up at me. I let out a sigh, because even now after date number two, the truth is…
“I don’t know.”
I lean on the front counter as I replay my car ride with Ryan last night. The lack of any sort offeelings at allwhen I slid my hand into his, our uncomfortable hug goodbye.
“I feel like Ishouldlike him that way. He’s great, but we just aren’t clicking like…” I turn my head to look at her. “Well, like I think we should be. And I don’t understand why.”
