With Nora.
I sit back on my heels and force myself to look away from her as I stand up and drop the chain. The full weight of it sags and pulls Nora’s hands to the ground. I turn my back to her as the heat of the sun starts to make me feel a little light-headed.
What was that?
She’s just being nice. I just think she’s cool and I like being around her. That’s it.
“Stevie, why are you here? I mean, what are you really doing out here with me?” Nora asks from behind me. “You chose to be out here, working in the middle of a field in the heat of summer, when you could be doing literallyanything else.”
“I don’t know. I just—”
… like the person I get to be with you.
… want to get to know you.
… want to ride on the back of your four-wheeler again.
All of it sounds weird. “I—wanted to give you a cow. And then suddenly it wasn’t a cow anymore and… I guess I don’t know why I’m here.” I turn around to face her, pulling my hair off my sticky neck. “I’m actually not feeling super well.”
Nora’s face fills with concern as she takes a step toward me.
“Is it your head? Are you—”
I shake my head, cutting her off.
“Can you just take me back to my car?” I ask, already heading back toward the four-wheeler. “Please?”
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” she replies, but her voice is more distant now. She hops on in front of me without ever meeting my eyes.
She starts it up in one solid kick down, but this time she doesn’t tell me to hold on to her, and I don’t. Instead, I wrap my fingers around the metal rack behind us and hold on tight as she flies across the field, toward the buildings in the distance.
WhydidI come out here? Why did I win a freaking cow for this girl? Why do I only feel normal when I’m around her?
I remind myself that it all comes back to the fact that we didn’t know each other before. That’s why I like being around her. I just need a friend for this version of me. Sheismy friend. And just my friend.
My brain must still be slightly broken. Maybe it’s just sending the wrong signals at the wrong time or something, because I know I can like Ryan. I mean… Idolike Ryan. I think.
I just… need to spend more time with him, too.
July 10
Stevie,
I felt it today, by the fence.
The way you looked at me… people don’t just go around looking at each other like that.
There was something electric between us. And I think it scared you enough to want to leave.
You fell in love with me once. Maybe you can do it again.
I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you the truth, because I am. If you do get your memories back, you’ll probably be pretty pissed at me for not telling you. But maybe the best thing for me to do is let you fall for me again and then it might be easier to believe. I feel so guilty having all the answers you want, but… I can’t risk you not being ready to hear them. Especially in this town. You’ll understand why I had to wait. Right?
The moment when we first held hands in the gym was when everything clicked into place for you. I just need to wait for that moment to happen again. Our moment. It’s coming, I know it is.
I love you,
Nora
