Fen didn’t stir at his approach.Caihad made enough noise not to startle him.He crouched on the rocksbehind him—hesitated for a moment, then put his arms around him.“Fen.”
He made a deep sound of welcome,turning far enough to rub his face against Cai’s.“Is it time forus to go and start the harvest?”
“Not yet.I know you grievefor your comrades and your family.Forgive me if I haven’t spokenof them.”
“My comrades…” Fen’s smilebrushed Cai’s cheek in the dark.“In fact I was thinking aboutyou.”
Something shifted in Cai’s chest, arelief and pleasure so pure that it hurt.“Were you?”
“Yes.The moon casting hertrack across the sea like this… It seemed so strange to me that thewaters divided us for so long, I had to come and look at them.Maybe there is an earthly bridge as well as the rainbow one intoValhalla.Maybe the moon creates it, and allows men’s souls to knowone another before they meet in the flesh.Even… Even if they neverdo.”
Cai remembered the dream of thewolf, and he nodded.“Maybe,” he said hoarsely.“I rejoicethatwedid.”
“As do I.Even if I wastrying to kill you at the time.”
You’re killing me now.Cai kept thatthought to himself, his throat aching and burning.“I’ve been inthe scriptorium.I want to rebuild it, but Theo died in there.Leoftoo.And I felt such sorrow for them, but then I saw you out here,and…” He shut up.What had he been about to say?His tongue keptbringing him to this brink, as dangerous as the cliff edge wherethey now sat.He rested his brow on Fen’s shoulder, closing hiseyes.
Fen laced his fingers through Cai’s.“I too am struggling to understand.I am a warrior.And, yes—I havelost my comrades.I ought to be dead—from shame, if nothingelse.”
“There was no shame in it.Not for you.”
“I will never make you understandour laws of battle.Sigurd would say the weakness was in me, topermit them to leave me behind.Hush, Cai—Iknowwhat you think of that.It’s not whatconcerns me.Despite all these things, I am happy here.I wouldn’tleave if I could.I…I wouldn’t leaveyou.”
Cai didn’t move, not even to open hiseyes.If he stayed quite still here, the world might never move on.He might remain in this moment, hearing the song of his own blood,or perhaps of Addy’s seals far off over the glittering sea.Hedidn’t want, didn’t need, didn’t think he could bear anything more.But Fen tightened his grip, binding them together, making Cai seein the dark behind his eyes the intricate knotwork Leof had used topaint down the margins of Theo’s book.
“I am trying tounderstand,” Fen said, “just as you are.So much grief, and such awaste of water that divided us!And yet I have come to love you.And you, my fine man, whispering in the dark, as if I couldn’t readyour words on my skin, even in your own language… How have we cometo this?”
“I don’t know,” Caiwhispered.“Is it…bad?Do you regret it?”
“I regret the years withoutyou.I used to see the other young men bind themselves to onecompanion, whether in lust or friendship, and I tried to believe Iwasn’t made like that.It was my last thought on the beach thatnight, while I lay dying in the waves—that if I’d had such acompanion, he wouldn’t have allowed me to be leftbehind.”
“I never will.”
“And you—I will fight foryou until we are stricken down together and our spilled bloodmingles in the sand.”
“That’s a lovelythought.”
Fen caught the tremor of laughter inCai’s voice.“It is not given to me to express my feelings moregently.Will you accept this?”
“Absolutely.”
They knelt for a long time in silence,only the rush and in-breath of the moon-swollen tide to accompanytheir thoughts.Then Cai smiled, recalled to the moment by thedemands of his importunate flesh.“This is all very noble andpleasant, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I suppose so.Whatabout it?”
“It makes me want to fuckyour noble Viking bones right through the nearest rock.”
Fen gave a bark of laughter.“Thatwould seal our bargain very well.Do we have time?”
“No.I can see the mencoming down for the harvest.Addy said we have to lead byexample.”
“To be accurate, I believe hesaidyouhad to.But come along.The rock will still be here when weare done.”
Their path took them down through thechurchyard.Out of habit, Cai paused by Leof’s grave.The smallmound was greening over now, merging back into the moorland.Allsummer wildflowers had blossomed around it, a handful of campionsor sea pinks to gather, and now the hawthorns were starring thenight sky above the wall with moonlit fruit.Cai broke off a stemand laid it at the foot of the plain wooden cross.When he lookedround, Fen was brushing fallen leaves and clumps of moss off thegrave.The last time Cai had gone through this ritual in hispresence, Fen had stood aloof, as if bewildered by tenderness shownto the dead.
Cai was about to thank him.Then hestopped, his attention caught.Between Leof’s grave andBenedict’s—still raw, painful to see—a scatter of withered herbslay on the turf.Cai crouched to look at them.“These look likeDanan’s.”
Fen came to stand by him.“How can youtell?”
