“Good.And what...”Caihesitated, but only for a moment.“What have you done with thebodies?”
“The crypt is stillstanding.We took them there.”
“Why not Leof?”
“We were just about to movehim when we found out you were alive.We thought you might wantto…”
“No.Take him down with therest, straight away.”
“If they come again, theywill destroy us.”
Cai paused in swabbing down hissurgical table.He had changed his awkward cassock hours ago forhis travelling clothes, and fastened a homespun apron around hisneck and waist.He was up to his rolled-back shirtsleeves in blood.“Perhaps I missed something,” he said to Benedict, who was renewinga rope strap at the corner of the table, the one Brother Cedric hadtorn through in his agony.“I’d have staked my life that we werealready destroyed.”
“If they come again, theywon’t leave one stone standing on another in this place.Nor oneheart beating in its bone cage.”
“That’s almost poetic, BrotherPloughman.”A trickle of shame made it through Cai’s weariness.Hisfriend had been so much more than a farmer on this long, grimafternoon, which was at last melting down into dusk.Yes—last time thelight was angled so, I was a mindless boy with no greater care thanmy appetite for food and the joys of the flesh.Oh Leof.Leof…Cedricand John were still alive, thanks to Ben’s steady grip on them, thestolid application of brute force while Cai had plied his blade andsheep-gut sutures.“I’m sorry.You’ve done all you can for now.Goand eat.”
“If you willtoo.”
“No.The next few hourswill be crucial.I have to watch out for infections, delirium.”Wasit only yesterday he’d looked around his clean infirmary andcongratulated himself on its unoccupied beds?A truly goodphysician, Danan had told him, would put himself out of a job.Asthings stood, Cai couldn’t envisage ever being able to stem thetide of blood and pain pouring out of his orderly rooms.Hispatients were quiet now, sleeping or making their silent lastdialogues with death, but the walls—and Cai’s skull—still resoundedwith their screams.“I’ll be all right.Go on.”
The door creaked open.Cai suppresseda raw-nerved jump, but it was only Oslaf, his latest consignment ofhot water from the kitchens in a bucket-yoke across his shoulders.He watched while the young man set his burden down, then collectedup the soiled rags for the fourteenth or fifteenth time that day.Cai had better things to do, but he couldn’t seem to tear his gazeaway.He saw that Oslaf made no move without first glancing over atBen, as if checking that he was still there.And Ben returned eachlook with an equal warm hunger.Cai was sure they were quiteunaware of their exchange.Once Oslaf had finished his tasks, hecame to stand in front of Cai.“Is there anything else I can do foryou?I’ll bring more water once it’s boiled.”
“No.Wait—ask Wilfrid tocome up here, and Demetrios too if he’s strong enough.I need themto carry Brother Wulfhere to the crypt.”
“Wulfhere?”Oslaf paled.“Oh, Caius.I’m sorry.”
“I don’t have time todiscuss it.We must see to the burials tomorrow.Justgo.”
Once Oslaf was gone, Benedict turnedaway and carried on wiping the benches.Cai couldn’t seem to move.A bitter black fury was filling him.His hands were trembling,sweat breaking out down his spine.He wanted to take up his cuttingknife and drive it into Ben’s innocent back.“Why?”he rasped.“WhyLeof, not Oslaf?”
Benedict turned to face him.Hisexpression betrayed no anger, but he sat down on the low windowsillas if suddenly worn out.“I grieve for you, Brother.”
“Grieve for me?You have noidea.Why is your boy—yours—running around, warm and alive, whileLeof, who was worth—?”
“I grieve for you.But mindwhat you say.”
Caius shut up.He pressed his fingersto his lips—to the mouth that had started to spew out such horrors.“Ben,” he whispered.“Forgive me!”
Benedict stretched out his hand.Caistumbled across the room to him and crashed to his knees at hisfeet.He buried his face in the blood-soaked dark of Ben’s apron.“Leof!Leof!”
When he had wept until his lungs wereraw and the screams in his head had dulled to exhausted silence, hesat up.Tears were rolling down Ben’s face too, tracking cleanlines through the dirt.Ben stroked his hair one last time.“Wheredid they come from, Cai?What did they want?”
“God knows.You’reright—the next time will finish us.”
“What can wedo?”
Cai dragged a hand across his eyes.Already faint moans from the ward were drawing him back to hisduty.“I don’t know.But when I can be spared from here, I will goand see my father.”
Two days later, Cai was on his kneesagain.In part it was simply exhaustion.Both Fara’s ponies hadbeen needed in the fields.He’d made the journey to the hillfort onfoot in a bare few hours, and his soles were blistered and sore.Inpart it was an abandonment of pride.He had made his request, andhis father had thumped down in the chair he liked to think of ashis throne, burst into laughter and told him to kneel like theChristian he was, if he really desired such a thing.
Cai did desire it.He was nolonger sure that hewasaChristian, and that made submission easier.He lowered his head andawaited Broc’s verdict.
He closed his eyes, and that was amistake.He hadn’t slept since the raid, and so hadn’t dreamed, buthe was beginning to see visions.He was back in the churchyard tothe east of the burnt-out church, looking at five shallow graves.Only a thin layer of soil clothed Fara, and although every man whocould lift a shovel had taken his turn, the business of digging hadbeen miserable, long drawn out in the rain.Theo at least was atrest in the cool silence of the crypt.The stonemason would markhis tomb.For the others, only a plain wooden cross stood at thehead of each pile of earth.Identity was unimportant—each of thesemen, coming to monastic life, had cast off all selfhood, subsumedwho he was in the greater brotherhood of Christ.That was thetheory, anyway.It didn’t quite work out in life.Wulfhere had sunglike an angel.Andreou had been a fat gossip who had loved Theomore than God.Aethelstan’s booming laugh had carried out over thenoise of his forge, and Petros had made wooden bowls of suchexquisite finish that matrons scrapped over them like cats in thevillage market.And Leof…
In death, the theory worked well.OnlyCai and his brethren knew which grave was which, and with themwould vanish the knowledge that Leof lay closest to the wall,sheltered by hawthorns, cradled in the sacred ground he hadloved.
“Caius!”
