I offer a thank you and slip through the back door, inhaling a breath of fresh air. I crane my head to the sky, closing my eyes.Bright rays of sun dance on my cheeks, penetrating my chilly insides, when someone leans against me, shouldering me.
“What’s up, bestie? Still radio silence?”
I nod, my stomach cramping with sadness. I miss Ian, and tears gather in my eyes.
“It’s apparent he wants more, and that was like a big reality check.”
“It was,” I sigh, the distraught sound coming from deep within my soul.
I don’t want to disappoint my dad. And dating Ian would assure I’d do just that. If I miss Ian after not seeing him for a few days, needing him in my life so soon is not healthy. Distance might be what we both need to get our heads straight.
My feelings for Ian are not just friendly. They chip at the surface, bobbing their flashy heads, signaling they’re here to stay if I want them to or not.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say, putting my face between my palms.
She caresses along my back, her care soothing me. “Do what feels right. Stop overthinking.”
“I miss him… and not just as a friend.” The truth is as liberating as it is chaining.
Kat shakes her head at me. “You and your third relationship. That’s not set in stone.”
“Who can compare to Ian?” I sigh again, aware of the answer. No one.
She shrugs. “You don’t know, like you don’t know what giving this a chance might bring you. That’s the best part about the future. No one foresees what will happen.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose as if wanting to snub the frustration eating at me. “You don’t get it. He’s so consuming and makes me feel things I haven’t felt before. It’s terrifying.”
“Let’s make a list of pros and cons,” she suggests.
I roll my eyes at her as she ticks off her fingers. “He’s supportive, has a steady career, and makes you feel all kinds of things. And damn, he’s good looking.”
“My dad is his coach, he might break my heart, he’s a freaking star in the NFL,” I counter.
She waves me off, undeterred. “You went out of your comfort zone with the shop too. Time to overcome your fears to achieve your goals.”
She’s right, but it’s not that easy. Or maybe it is, and I am trapped in my rigid thinking. Wouldn’t be the first time.
I remain silent, pondering when she rocks her hip into mine. “Go home. I have this.”
I hug my best friend. She’s the freaking best. “Love you.”
“Love you too, bestie.”
On my floor, my chest heaves with a sigh as I glance at his door before letting myself into my apartment.
Sprawled on my couch, I blow air to cool the bowl of soup while watching a movie. A knock on my door startles me. I shoot to my feet, yelping when the liquid soaks into my shirt, the ramen clinging to my skin.Give me a break.Damn my clumsiness, but being all over the place emotionally doesn’t help either.
“One moment,” I mutter.
I dab at my ruined shirt, smelling of chicken broth now. Changing quickly, I wash my hands and hurry to open the door.
Dark circles line Ian’s eyes, and he breathes heavily as he braces the door frame looking disheveled.
Eyes locked, he sighs, “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I whisper, my heart clenching.
He walks inside, and I microwave him a bowl of soup too, needing to take care of him somehow.
