Since Lilly barged back into my world, I feel unsettled. There’s this restlessness stretching inside of me, making me feel out of place if I am not with her.
My sister opens the door, jumping into my arms. She lives in Seattle, but they make the long-distance relationship work.
“I missed you,” she says, and I hug her tightly.
“Missed you too, Am.”
She drags me toward the living room, where Levi is already eating a cupcake.
“We are on a strict diet,” I remind him, but it’s in vain.
He smiles at her so sweetly, I expect my sister to get cavities at any moment. “I’ll eat whatever Amelie bakes for me.”
A hundred stars sparkle in his eyes as if she’s the wonder of his life, feeding me the residual guilt. I know how it is to lose years of not being with the girl you want, but for these two, it must have been even worse.
When he reaches for a second one, my sister kisses him and snatches the cupcake away.
“You already had one,” she tells him in the same sweet voice.
Don’t throw up.
“Hello, I’m the brother here. For the love of god, tone it down a bit.”
They ignore me, and he kisses her again. A fuck you to my face. I deserve that and I love them no matter what. Seeing them happy is worth the discomfort.
“So, no one special?” my sister asks, her eyes brimming with hope.
“One of us has to stay focused on the game.” I can’t help but throw a jab at my best friend.
“I’ve never played better,” Levi retorts. Smirking, he pulls her to his side.
True.
“I’m hungry,” I say, hoping to move on to something other than seeing them almost tear their clothes off.
My sister is as good a cook as she is a baker. It’s Michelin star good as we dig into the meat and steamed vegetables she prepared.
“When do you have to go back?” I ask her.
She looks at her plate, playing with the food. “Tonight.”
Levi hides his distress. He would sacrifice everything for my sister, supporting her even at the expense of his happiness.
“We’ll see each other soon,” he says, kissing her temple.
To live with that permanent longing is agonizing. I have some experience with that.
I visit with them a bit more before I head out to let them enjoy the few hours they still have left together. They accompany me to the door, my sister tucked to his side as she waves goodbye.
On the drive home, I blast music to silence the whirlwind of thoughts in my head, like how it would be to have my person.
Lilly parked correctly this time, and something unpleasant strikes my chest.It’s better like this.
Once inside my loft, I try to unwind, dropping my ass on the floor. Propping my back against the foot of the sofa, I play a video game, my fingers flying over the controller in my need to virtually smash things to soothe my turmoil.
When my doorbell rings, I pause the game. Hoping it’s her, I instantly feel better, but when I open the door, my smile falters. It’s not that I am not happy to see my best friend, yet disappointment licks at my skin.
“Thanks for the long face,” Levi says and throws himself on the sofa. He’s always restless when my sister leaves.
