The world stopped.What. The. Fuck?Heat washed over me and filled my lungs with fire. I was pretty sure I could have breathed flames at her right then.
"I mean, I don’t really know him that well or anything"—she started with that weird jog-dancing in place again—"but we talked a few times when he was over. I just thought…"
I gritted my teeth as an image of Maddox kissing Kanami popped into my head.
"Yeah, so I’m gonna head out." Misha’s eyes darted back and forth between me and Kanami. Misha held up a loose cuff. "If you change your mind, Red, you can text me. This rain, yeah." She shuffled off, tennis shoes slapping against the mud.
"You’re going to ask Maddox out?" My whole body might have been on fire. "On a date?"
"I dunno." Kanami stopped her exercise and stood still. "You’re over him, so, why not?"
A thousand scenarios ran through my head. Of him leaving that night and coming back after I went to sleep—to be with Kanami. There were a few times I returned from class to find them both at the apartment. It had never occurred to me. God, I was still so damned blind. "I didn’t realize I was standing in your way." My gloves creaked as they formed tight fists.
Grey eyes widened and she took a step back. "What?"
"Were you hooking up that whole time?" Pain punched through the wall of my abdomen and twisted. "Is that really why he hung around? Because you two were screwing behind my back?"
"Oh my God,no. What thehell?" Her face turned ashy. "That man only had eyes for you the entire summer. Even now."
Halos pulsed in the corners of my vision.
"Geez, Red, if you’re still that hung up on him, you need to tell him."
"What’s the point?" I rubbed a hand over my wet forehead. "They always leave. He’s no exception."
"Mick isn’t Ash. Ash had problems you overlooked for too long. For your own reasons. Only you know why. But Mick?—"
"He left, Kanami. It’s not a ‘me’ decision. He just pulled away and left." I huffed an achy breath. "I felt like such an idiot."
"Why?"
"I don’t know." That churning acid feeling took root, again. "I don’t know what I did wrong. Just like with Ash. What’d I do? Why do they need more than me?"
In the center of the field, the ref whistled. He made an "X" with his forearms, calling the game over. The few remaining players on the field moved to the sidelines.
Maddox and Seager remained rooted in place. The two faced off, arms crossed, like they were each daring the other to walk away.
Kanami put her hand on my shoulder. "I meant why did you feel like an idiot for going after what you wanted? Even if he’s not into you that way, what has anyone ever gained by holding back? Asking for permission? Waiting around and just hoping?"
I let my head drop into my hands. Why the hell were we having this conversation? In freezing cold rain—when I felt like pushing her face-first into the mud?She’s my friend, that’s why she asked.I took a deep breath and held it for a count of three before breathing out.
"You know, I have this friend, her nickname is Redbecause she’s bold and passionate and a fighter. And she’s a badass softball player who was named All-American last year."
I looked away. "I’ve wanted to talk to him a thousand times. Thank him for his help. Ask him why he left. I’ve thought of confronting him, or even being mild and ‘mature’ and acting like we were always ‘just friends.’ I didn’t know the right way to handle it, so I just didn’t do anything." I stared across the field at my duffel bag sitting next to Kanami’s.
Everything’s probably as wet as we are.I sighed. “I cut him out, blocked him, tried to erase him from my life. But, being here today…I know that’s not what I really want.”
"Well, I was just messing with you anyway," she said with a laugh. "I have a hot date." She moved away, shuffling through the mud toward the sideline.
I blinked, watching her get farther away.What?I hustled to catch up. "Wait, who? Not just a date, but ahotone? Where’ve I been?"
"Well…" We fell in stride as we jogged to the side of the field where we started the day—closest to the grandstands and the locker room.
"Remember that weird guy after practice right when we came back from break? I saw him in like three different cars the same day, hanging out in the parking lot?"
I frowned as I kept pace beside her. "Not really. No?"
"We called security, who called the sheriff. Remember?"
