“Shit,” Wes says. “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”
I let out a breath. “I tried hard to keep the extent of it to myself. I think before Zhuri, Sid was the only one who really knew how bad it was.”
“How long has it been going on?” Nico questions.
“Since long before I was traded to the Lizards. I’ve just been able to fool almost everyone into thinking I’m normal.”
Sidney crosses his arms. “Youarenormal, Cam. Plenty of people suffer from depression, but that doesn’t make them wrong. It just means they have a harder fight than everyone else.”
“I’m working on believing that. I just started medication, and I’m hoping that helps.”
“So do we,” Wes states. “But if it doesn’t, don’t forget that we’re here for you, man.”
Nico nods in agreement. “You don’t have to suffer alone, Cameron.”
I swallow down the emotion threatening to claw its way up my throat. “Thanks, guys.”
It’s been a long time coming, but all the closest people to me now know about my struggles.
I should’ve done it years ago.
I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders knowing that I don’t have to carry my burdens alone; my friends will be beside me every step of the way.
I’ve never felt luckier than I do right now.
My jersey is lying on one of my wicker chairs now as I wipe sweat from my brow. Cleaning up after my rowdy teammates is exhausting, but I’m happy to not be alone.
“I think that’s everything,” Zhuri says, sliding in beside me as I peer over the balcony railing. I spent most of the night right here for fear of making a fool of myself in front of everyone. I’m clearly doing a shit job at hiding my feelings for Zhuri.
“Thank fuck,” I sigh. “I’m ready to relax for the night.”
She bites her bottom lip. “Want some company?”
Hell yes.
“Yeah,” I smile. “I’d enjoy some company.”
“The city looks so pretty from up here,” Zhuri says.
“I love coming out here,” I reply. “It’s one of the only places I can get out of my head. It doesn’t always work, but it does occasionally.”
“Therapy still going well?” she asks gently, resting her palm against my arm, and the feel of her skin on mine is enough to send my heart into a tailspin.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “I just started Zoloft a few days ago.”
“That’s great.” Zhuri smiles at me, and all my unease washes away.
God, she affects me like nobody else does.
“I’m trying to get better,” I admit.
“I’m really proud of you, Cameron.”
That admission threatens to overwhelm me. My dad has always led me to believe that admitting to inadequacies shows weakness, but Zhuri has been helping me see that I’m only human.
That it’s okay not to be okay.
Between her and my therapist, I hope I can truly believe the words one day.
