I take Cameron’s hand, lacing our fingers together to ground him. “How do you cope?”
“Whiskey,” he laughs darkly. “I pour some whiskey and just let the darkness take over my mind. I drink until I’m numb to just how hollow I feel.”
“Have you been seen for depression?”
He scoffs at the idea. “I’m not depressed. Men don’t get depressed. Men keep everything together and treat the hard times with alcohol.”
“Did you learn that from your father?”
“Yeah,” he whispers. “You can’t be a man if you can’t handle your own mind.”
I place my free hand on his cheek. “Look at me, Cameron.” He finally meets my eyes again. “That isnottrue. Depression doesn’t discriminate based on fucking gender. It doesn’t make you less of a man to need treatment for your mental health. Living in darkness isn’t healthy, and you shouldn’t be forced to believe that it’s okay or normal.”
“I just…” Cameron starts before trailing off. “I want his approval. It’s fucking pathetic, but I’m goddamn desperate for it. For him to just be fuckingproudof everything I’ve accomplished. I’m going on thirty years old, and I still crave it like I’m a child.”
“It’s okay to want that,” I assure him. “Butyoushould be proud of yourself. You’ve had an incredible NHL career, andyou just trusted somebody enough to open up about how you’re feeling. That’s a good thing.”
“I’m not sure it feels like a good thing.”
“Because your entire life you’ve been told it isn’t.” I give him a reassuring smile. “That won’t change with one heart-to-heart with your former enemy/current teammate. Therapy would be extremely beneficial, though.”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I don’t know if I’m ready to consider that.”
“Then promise me something.”
He cocks his eyebrow. “What?”
“Promise me that the next time you’re struggling in the darkness, you’ll come tome.You’ll callme.You don’t have to face everything alone.”
For the first time since I found him up in the rafters, Cameron gives me a genuine smile, dimples popping at the corners of his mouth. “I promise. Thank you for caring, Zhuri.”
“You don’t need to thank me for caring. You deserve to feel happiness, Cam. Everyone does.”
His smile changes now, morphing into something more akin to disbelief mixed with gratitude. His voice is soft as he speaks. “You’ve never called me Cam before.”
I feel heat flood my cheeks. “I guess I haven’t. But I like to think we’re on our way to a friendship.”
“I’d really like that, Z.”
It’s also the first time he’s called me Z.
Our relationship has been flipped on its head, and I’m so glad it was.
Because of this, Cameron now has someone he can confide in when the darkness becomes too much.
After everything his father has instilled in him, he really fucking deserves that.
eighteen
Zhuri
Cameron
Zhuri baby
What are you up to?
Zhuri
