I shrug. “If you want. Or I can talk so you have something else to occupy your mind.” He nods, and I decide now that I’ll be the one to start opening up. Cameron is my co-captain, and I want us to have a solid relationship, on and off the ice. “Did I tell you why Jack and I broke up?”
“You said that he wanted to date someone more his speed.”
“That’s what I tell people. He didn’t use those words, but they summed up what he was really saying. I was drafted by the Dragons when he started with the LA Leopards, but he told me that I shouldn’t sign my contract. That I should actually just stay home for the family we’d have one day, since someone would need to take care of the kids.”
“What the fuck?” His head snaps in my direction. “You told him to fuck himself, right?”
“Hell yes,” I laugh. “I was nineteen and just literally got drafted to my dream job. I wasn’t giving that up for anything, especially a man I’d only been seeing for a year. He also knew, though, that I wouldn’t want to do that. I’m not going to have kids. Female athletes don’t have the luxury of having kids without giving up our entire careers. It’s not like we’d only need time off after the birth; women can’t play while pregnant at all. That’s basically an entire year gone, and that’s too much time off. You don’t come back to the same level. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I worked my ass off to get where I am, and I don’t want kids to ruin that.”
“That isn’t selfish, Zhuri.” Cameron spins now, crossing one leg in front of him while the other is still draped over the side of the rafters. “And if it is selfish, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Based on what you’re saying, you’d end up resenting any kids you had.”
“I would. I absolutely adore my niece, but that’s the closest I’ll come to kids. My career is more than enough to keep me happy.”
“I fucking hate Jack,” he breathes. “He’s even more of a prick than I realized.”
“I learned a lot, at least. I learned that I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve, and I won’t change my priorities for anyone.”
“That’s a good thing,” he hums.
He stares at a spot somewhere behind me, still facing me but not actually looking at me. He seems to be deep in thought, and I can feel all of the unease just radiating off of him.
Finally, he sighs before focusing back on me.
“I got a call from my dad after practice.”
“Did he say something?”
“All he does is fucking say something,” he chides. “My dad is tough to get along with. We don’t share many of the same views, if any at all.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, giving Cameron my undivided attention.
He seems to be deciding whether or not he actually wants to tell me, but he eventually does. “The easiest way to sum up Ivor Kovacic would be that he’s a bigot. He doesn’t have any progressive views. He grew up a Roman Catholic in Croatia, so he hides behind his religion. He’s very stuck in his ways.”
“I’m going to assume he’s been upset about the new team. It also seems like you might be alluding to him having a specific reason to really dislike Theo and me being on the team.”
“Smart girl,” he chuckles.
“So why do you still talk to him?”
“I owe my entire career to him.” Cameron scrubs his hand down his face to compose himself. “He invested everything he had in me so I could be the player I am today. I wouldn’t be here right now without that.”
“You owe him nothing,” I assert. “He invested in you because he’s your father, and you don’t owe your parents for how they decided to raise you.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think it works like that.”
“Cameron,” I say gently, meeting his heavy eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he says dismissively. “This is all shit I’ve heard before.”
“That’s not what I mean.” I take a deep breath. “Are youokay?Like, mentally?”
“I have to be.”
“No, you don’t. What’s going on behind closed doors? Are you still okay, or are you completely shutting down?”
One thing I’ve been good at is reading people’s emotions, and right now, I canseethat Cameron has demons he’s struggling to fight.
He lets out a loud sigh before peeling his gaze from mine. “I shut down. I’m hardly functional. I’ve been told my entire life that I’m not enough, and I need to domore.Dobetter.That shit fucks with your head.”
