I laugh under my breath as I type while walking toward the entrance.
Sutton: Fear not! I just got here.
Sutton: Walking in now.
Rylee: Good, because Jayce already asked where you were.
My pulse jumps at that.
Grace: He liiiiiiikes you.
Skyler: Man looked around like a lost puppy when he didn’t spot you.
Rylee: We’ll meet you by security!
I bite my lip, but I’m still grinning like an idiot when I arrive, the girls are waiting for me just past security.
The second Rylee spots me, she looks me up and down and squeals. “Oh my God. Oh my God!”
Skyler gasps dramatically. “Ooooooh, that’s the new design, isn’t it? Hasn’t even been released as merch yet. Sutton, my girl, Jayce fucking looooooves you.”
Her words echo in my head as we walk, sending a strange ripple through my chest. I know Skyler is just teasing, but hearing someone say that out loud does something to me.
A tiny spark of hope flickers before I can stop it.
What if…?
No.
I shove the thought away and shrug, trying to play it cool even as my cheeks are burning. “Oh, please, it’s not that big of a deal.”
Grace shakes her head as we make our way into the press box.
“You’ve got his jersey,” she says. “An exclusive, never-before-seen design that I’m sure he had to pull a few strings to get his hands on before anyone else. That’s not something you do for an arrangement. That’s fucking real, especially for a hockey boy.” She purses her lips in a pout. “I don’t even have one, and my man’s the freaking captain.”
“Plus, we all see how he looks at you,” Rylee adds. “He’s obviously obsessed with you.”
I laugh, trying to shrug their words off, but they have my stomach flipping and my chest feeling tight. They’re exaggerating…they have to be. Jayce is too cool and collected to be obsessed with anything…especially me.
I can’t read too much into any of this, even if the thought of Jayce wanting me so much sends a delicious tingle up my spine.
“Jayce is a great guy,” I say, aiming for nonchalance. “Super thoughtful and takes good care of me. It’s still just an arrangement, though.”
I’ll admit the words sound flimsy as I say them and the truth sits heavy in my chest. I don’t want this to be fake anymore, andI don’t want there to be an expiration date. Part of me knows I should probably bring up my feelings to him, but every time I think about doing that, I stop myself.
What if he only says what I want to hear out of guilt?
What if he thinks he owes me something after everything that’s happened between us?
I don’t want that. I don’t want Jayce to stay with me because he feels obligated. As silly and cliche as it might sound, I want him to choose it. Chooseme.
After everything he’s done, the way he pays attention to me, and the way he notices when I’m nervous before I even say anything has this feeling so real. He steps in during wedding meetings when my anxiety starts creeping up and I can’t find the words. He quietly makes sure I’m comfortable without making it obvious to anyone else.
I love that he makes me smoothies in the morning, plugs in my laptop when I forget and leaves it charging on the counter, and writes little notes next to things I’ve misplaced. I love how he wants to watch me dance in the gorgeous room he built for me and will sit in there almost everyday when I practice. Most of all, I love that he’s seen me at my worst and still wants to help me.
That night after my mom left, when I’d completely fallen apart, I hadn’t expected him to know what to do. Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to stay, but he had. He was patient, calm and careful with me as he tied me up. The feel of the ropes against my skin flashes through my mind…the steady, grounding pressure as he tied them, and the way his voice stayed low and reassuring while my breathing slowly evened out.
I’d never imagined something like that could calm me down or that I’d trust someone enough to let them see me like that. With Jayce, though, it hadn’t felt scary. It’d felt safe.
