Her eyes glimmer with pleasure at my words. I proceed to tie six large knots down her front, weaving the rope around her waist and linking it through the rope holding her arms behind her. The harness looks complex, but it’s really simple ties building on top of each other. Basic knots and loops used to create something beautiful.
Once her torso is completely bound, I pick her up and set her on the bed with her back to the headboard, her legs resting straight out in front of her. Climbing onto the bed with her, I take her feet and set them in my lap.
“Are you okay?” I ask, holding one of her ankles.
She’s watching me, her cheeks flushed and her breathing steady. Slowly, she nods. Gently, I press my thumb into the arch of her foot and begin to massage it. She lets out a soft moan and relaxes, seeming to melt against the headboard.
Good. This is what I wanted. To give her this sense of calm and peace. This stillness. I’ve never used the ropes for this purpose before. It’s always been about sex before, but this session isn’t about sex or control. It’s about her wellbeing.Quieting the noise in her mind and helping her break out of the anxious spiral her mom created for her.
I’m finding pleasure in caring for her. In using my skills to help her through this.
Taking the last length of rope, I wrap it around her foot in an X shape, then continue weaving the rope over and under the X until I’ve created somewhat of a boot. I do the same to the other foot, tying them together, then wrapping the rest of the rope around her ankles, knotting it at the front.
She’s completely bound now. Unable to move, and this is what finally breaks through the last of her resolve. A sob breaks from her throat and tears start running down her cheeks. I quickly move to sit next to her, wrap an arm around her, and lay her down so her cheek is resting on my thigh. As she cries, I run my fingers through her hair, silently comforting her as she releases all the emotion she’s been locking away deep inside her throughout the day. I let her sob, uninterrupted, touching her so she never forgets I’m here with her. I’m so proud of her right now for letting go. For trusting me with her pain and vulnerability. For letting herself feel without holding back.
For allowing me to be her safe haven.
It’s later in the night, I’m not sure what time exactly, but I don’t bother to move to check my phone. I don’t want to disturb Sutton, who’s fast asleep in my arms, her head tucked beneath my chin. She isn’t tied up anymore, and is dressed in one of my t-shirts. I massaged her arms and legs after unbinding her and shedrifted off, exhausted from her long day and intense emotional release.
Having a woman in my bed like this isn’t something I’m used to. Honestly, I’d typically be repelled if a woman wanted to spend the night with me in my home. With Sutton, though, it’s different. I’m at ease with her in my arms. Satisfied, even.
And that’s a problem. I’m not supposed to be feeling this tenderness. This need for her.
I tell myself it’s nothing. Consequence of the evening. Of course I’d feel the need to comfort her after helping her calm down earlier. It was a lot. It was intense.
This is just part of the arrangement.
Tomorrow, everything will go back to normal and these feelings will dissipate, just like her anxiety did beneath the ropes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: PART OF THE PLAN
JAYCE
Spring is finally startingto seem like spring. The sun is high in the sky, even if the air hasn’t warmed up from it yet. And the sounds of little kids cheering usually fills me with a shot of adrenaline similar to being on the ice… but today, despite all these things — and right now, even facing an auditorium full of elementary schoolers losing their mind over me and the team — nothing can pull me out of my funk.
“All right, kids,” Jensen booms, stepping to the front of the small stage we’re standing on. Zander, Carson, Wilder, and Owen are next to me. We’re wearing our jerseys, surrounded by propped up hockey sticks and equipment and a big sign hanging over us with TEAMWORK in big, colorful letters. “Remind me, what did we learn today?”
“Teamwork makes the dream work!” The chorus of children’s voices fills the air.
I smile. I try to act as excited and pumped as the other guys. But it’s all fake. I’m not feeling it.
“That’s great!” Jensen exclaims. “You all have been awesome today. Now, the guys and I are going to hang around forautographs, pictures, and to hand out some jerseys. Who wants a jersey?”
All the kids scream, and the principal of the school steps forward and takes over for Jensen.
“Okay, kids, your teachers are going to have you all line up and you’ll be able to meet the Night Hawks…”
This type of visit is something we do a few times a year as part of the teams’ community outreach program. It’s usually a very rewarding experience. The kids always get so excited and it’s fun hanging out with them for a few hours.
Today, though, my head’s just not in it.
I just can’t stop thinking of Sutton.
“Hey,” I murmur to Carson, who’s standing right next to me. “I’m going to the bathroom quick, okay?”
Carson nods and replies, “No problem. It’ll take a bit for them to get the kids all organized. You’ve got time.”
Giving him a thumbs-up, I turn and slip off the stage and make my way to the nearest bathroom. Once inside, I cross to one of the sinks and turn on the cold water, splashing it onto my face.
